Wednesday

The Holidays are a Temporary Relief for Victims

For many victims who are able to get around their family during the holidays, it is a nice relief from the stresses of being with an abuser.  There is much to talk about, but the abused doesn't typically share.  One must examine a face closely, view a neck, or look at hands and arms to determine if there has been any recent or past beatings.  You might happen to notice bruises or scratches if the individual changes a shirt or removes a pair of pants behind closed doors.  But revealing what you know and sharing it with others, during a holiday celebration, is not the wisest move not for the victim, the abuser or the witness.


Trust in relatives and friends must be established before a victim can feel comfortable enough to share the details of old wounds, bruises, and scars.  To jump to conclusions or to run out of a room all-too-ready to beat up the batterer may cause more problems including a ride downtown.  If the victim isn't ready to leave his or her abuser, the individual might turn on the one trying to be the Good Samaritan.


The holiday get-together is supposed to be a peaceful time and a joyous occasion.  A victim who simply wants to view lights on a Christmas tree that he or she may or may not have at home or sit amongst family and friends really doesn't want nothing more than to experience what it feels like being happy again.  Her mind takes her away to the days she once sat on the floor as a child and opened gifts.  It warms her heart to see the children happy and innocent.  To go back to a time of innocence is a healthy escape for the abused and used.


But good times don't last for long particularly for those in abusive relationships.  Maybe much money has been spent, too much glee and talking, and other concerns of the abuser begin to fester.  "What is she going to say?  Who is she talking to?  She better not be planning to leave...I wonder what my folks are saying to her?"


When the abused isn't ready to leave, she returns to a cold home.  She turns back into the woman who has to survive in the meantime.  Nothing really changes much.  Her abuser gets angry over someone or something, back to the shouting and hitting.  A relative, who may have sincerely wanted to help, may have given the victim a resource and told her to call.  The person might have invited her to an outing in the future.  But don't hold your breath, she won't do much with what she has.  It's business as usual until she is sick and tired of being sick and tired.


Nicholl McGuire wrote Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, get the book at the author's link to show support. Share it with those between the ages of 18 and 25.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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