If you are spiritual, you probably have God in the plan these days when it comes to dealing with an abusive mate. You are praying, possibly fasting, and waiting on God to give you a sign, a blessing, or hoping for your abuser to leave. I want you to know that He will move in His time. He will see you through, but freedom doesn't come without sacrifice. You have got to be strong enough to protect yourself and those you love from further abuse. Did you catch that? Too many men and women redefine an abusive relationship during temporal good times only to be disappointed once again during the next battle. An abuser rarely changes.
I don't know what readers' situations are who visit this site, because it isn't wise to leave comments and other things when you know someone in the home is monitoring the websites you visit, but what you can do is continue to share your experiences with trusted friends and/or a professional counselor offline. If you have a faith, you would also keep praying and talking to God while confessing sin and repenting.
Abusers will drive you up the wall! Your nerves are constantly on edge. Sometimes you feel all alone especially if you have been with one for a long time. You most likely have learned to isolate yourself, do as your told to keep the peace, while allowing a difficult partner to vent without saying much. You or your abusers curses, threats, hits or shoves have taught you to minimize the arguing, fussing and fighting because these reactions don't do anything more than frustrate you, a partner and possibly those around you like children and elderly parents.
It is a miserable place to be in when you love someone who just doesn't know how to love back in healthy ways, but until you make up in your mind to break free from his or her programming and begin to live your best life now, the abusive man or woman will still feel the need to control you while you will continue to feel the need to stay.
You can rise above every trial by thinking positively about yourself. Focusing on the good things that are happening in your life and what you hope to do in the future. Thinking independently, without worrying over the abuser, and doing the kind of things that make a difference in your life. Marriage vows means nothing to someone who doesn't love, but controls. Promises are null and void to an easily angered, impatient man or woman. A selfish partner is like a leopard he or she doesn't change his or her spots.
Each step you make toward happiness will take you further and further away from the people, places and things that hurt inside. Don't look for enablers and your abuser to validate your feelings or any decision you make that affects their power and control over you. Reading good information to aid you in your situation(s) is the first step like what you are doing now. But learn more. For example, if you know low self esteem is an issue, you would read about it (most victims don't think much of themselves, but are concerned about everyone else--they care far too much). If you have money woes, you would learn how to better manage your money and so on. Surrounding yourself around people who want the best that life has to offer is another step. Saying "no" to an abuser from the smallest to the largest gives you strength, a great step that will cause you to think, "I don't have to do anything for him/her." Bullies don't like when their targets stand up for themselves, keep doing it! Fighting back gives you courage and provides an escape especially when police are called. I'm alive today, because someone called the police. Don't be put off by that--trust me it is a good thing, because it helps your case later if it should end up in court.
If you feel like your abuser will hurt you for any and everything that you do apart from him or her and because you defend yourself, I urge you to create an exit plan; rather than cower like so many victims who end up asleep in their graves.
Stop the excuse-making and don't let satanic influences including those that appear godly to keep you with an angry man or woman who steals your happiness, beats your mind and/or body down when the challenges arise, while ultimately destroying your spirit! Your life is worth far more than appeasing a man or woman who could potentially kill you. Seek counseling. Check for assistance online by typing the abuse you are suffering, your city or state, and including the words "counseling," "women's group," "support," "housing" and other similar words.
May God be with you through this trial and others.
Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual encouragement, conviction and warning on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.