Thursday

On Re-Learning to Love Yourself

One of the biggest mistakes we make when getting involved with troubled people personally and/or professionally is that we choose to overlook the warning signs that tell us, "Something isn't right...This person is acting strangely, crazy...I should keep my distance." 

Some people will ignore the warning signs for reasons like, "Well, he doesn't look crazy...maybe it's me.  I guess she isn't so bad, she reminds me of..." and go ahead anyway with what appears to be a healthy connection until it turns into a mountain of dysfunction.  With every insult, anger outburst, and other negative emotions, one feeling within that starts to stand out more than others with some people is that of self-defeat.  The desire to win a great friendship, an argument, love, affection, a compliment, a gift, a ring, or anything else is no more.  Too tired, overwhelmed and bitter to keep trying, some so-called good men and women stray.  Before long, one is accepting whatever a user or abuser is giving in an effort to stay above water while doing a few things that boil the water too.

What do you think months or even years of appeasing someone, who doesn't genuinely love you or has no clue as to how to love, does to one's self esteem?  It breaks the individual down, makes him or her feel worthless.  So people like this begin to look for people, places and things to bring them comfort whether good, bad or otherwise.

You might have entered into a relationship with a difficult partner a whole person--confident and content with being you.  Yet, gradually your sense of well being started to break with your partner as the relationship grew older.  Once you are truly free from the unhealthy connection (not the temporary disconnection), work will be needed to rebuild your self esteem.  This is what so many victims don't realize before getting into yet another relationship, some time and space to heal is very necessary. It is important to complete you, make you priority once again and restore peace to your inner being.  There are many ways to do this, but the best way is to get rid of the baggage whether at home, work, church, and elsewhere.  Learn to say, "No."  Clean up your messes. 

People in challenging partnerships are so consumed by their dysfunctional mates that they forget about loving and caring for themselves from oftentimes.  Weight increases or decreases, bodily aches become more frequent, tempers are short, and other strange things occur in turbulent marriages and affairs.  In time, a love of self develops into hate especially when an individual begins to see the mess he or she has permitted in his or her life.

A healthy love of self begins when you are no longer around the people, places and things that remind you of how bad you are.  Recognize the fact that you are free to love and to live your life how you see fit.  It is okay to defend you, appreciate you, and above everything else protect you from the crazy-making people in your life.  If someone disagrees, question his or her mental stability.

Nicholl shares spiritual insight on YouTube and Spreaker

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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