Friday

Too Many Signs You Overlooked Years Ago - Manipulators - Charming but Deadly

It happens, you get hot and heavy with someone and overlook all the subtle and blatant signs you are dealing with someone whose mind is not wrapped too tight.  So let's go over the list, whether it applies to you or not, this will help you break your mind from the delusions and see reality.  Your choice to stay or go.

1.  A partner was either frequently too late or too early during your early encounters.  There was little concern and apologies gradually stopped or never occurred.

2.  You caught him or her in some half-truths or bold lies.  Excuse after excuse was given.

3.  After spoiling you initially, he or she didn't bother too much to reach into his or her wallet or purse to pay for something without you having to ask (even after you told him or her you were having some financial issues).

4.  A partner spent much time badmouthing every ex he or she had been with.  The blame was often pointed in everyone's direction but his or her's.

5.  You often covered up how you truly felt about this person's behavior, lifestyle, appearance, body odor, etc. so as not to hurt feelings.

6.  You didn't feel comfortable around members of his family--they seemed a bit off while you overlooked mental illness with your partner.

7.  You lied about much to appear like you had made a great connection.

8.  When you noticed signs of jealousy, controlling behaviors, and anger outbursts, you dismissed the uncomfortable feelings within saying things like, "It's not that serious...I have my bad days too."

9.  You observed your partner and felt something was wrong with him or her and may have mentioned some things, but then found yourself being persuaded to believe something else about him or her.

10.  Relatives, friends or former partners provided subtle warnings, but you assumed they were jealous of you and your partner being together.

From the way someone spends money to how they talk or argue with others, during those early days of connecting with a partner, the writing is usually on the wall.  Women and men who have found themselves doing a lot for a partner from the start of a relationship, often feel used and abused.  This is because they don't establish boundaries.  Then when they yell, "This hurts!"  They are viewed as "crazy," "unstable" or "out of control" by their abusers.  

You don't permit someone to continue to bully, charm, lie, or swindle you into doing for them.  No amount of sex, money, or time will change a manipulator, he or she will just keep on taking until he or she has had enough of being with someone who he or she secretly thinks is "weak," "niave," "ignorant," and "obsessed" with him or her.  Take your power back--it's never too late and stop ignoring signs you are being played.

Here are some other things to consider about the manipulator and abusive people in general:

1.  These people will put little effort in changing their upsetting behaviors then will blame you.

2.  The controlling person will always find a way to have the last word, the upper hand, and make you suffer for offending him or her (even if you thought it was all water under the bridge--old saying).

3.  Abusers will continue to lie about their whereabouts, who they were talking to, how much money they spent, and more.

4.  They will make false promises just to keep you around until they are ready to do someone or something else--even if they don't break up with you.  Any distraction the individual comes up with keeps his or her mind off of you for awhile until you do something the person doesn't like again.

5.  You will be encouraged to spend your money while they will be looking for ways to save his or her's.

6.  He or she has already talked to someone about how one truly feels about you, but if you were a fly on the wall you wouldn't like what he or she has said.

7.  The manipulator will fake interest in your personal preferences just to keep you from paying attention to what he or she might be thinking or doing and of course, to once again gain your trust.

The merry-go-round continues to spin and no one isn't getting off the ride.  Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Nicholl McGuire

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