Tuesday

Don't Deny the Trials - Abuse is Just What it Is

They make excuses for it.  They lie about it.  They say it won't happen again.  They tell family and friends it isn't what you think.  Abuse.  Victims come in many different colors, social classes, and more.  They don't want to believe they are being emotionally and physically beaten with or without words, hands, and other things.

"What?  I don't know what you are talking about!  I am fine.  Leave me alone.  I have dealt with this for a long time.  I know how to handle him..." the victim defends her sickness.  In love with a man who plays mind games, makes false promises, isolates her, cheats, steals, lies, and tells her how bad she is when he feels down.

Don't deny the trials you are in or have been going through for quite some time.  You might live with them for now, but you are to grow from them.  Your eyes are focused on freedom, not bondage.  The survivors know this all too well.  True survivors don't go back, they don't say things like, "We," they say, "I" and they definitely stop hoping that one day things will get better. 

Victims are still focused on "We" even when the abuser says, "I" and "me."  Victims make excuses for incompatible partners, lie about their relationships, cover up their pain, complain often, bad mouth about others, find faults in messengers, hate their lives, and are often scared or nervous especially around their abusers.  They lean on everything from cigarettes to food to comfort them. 

Pretenders (false survivors) don't want to believe that anything is wrong with them or their relationships.  Take for instance, a victim rubs her sore back after being repeatedly kicked and says, "It's okay, he was drunk."  A battered man puts a cold compress on his eye.  "I'm okay, she was just in one of her moods."  These are people walking around with a mental illness.  The sickness they have is their partners.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  These nonfiction eBooks are available on Smashwords.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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