Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Today, domestic violence is becoming a well-known problem, but few people realize that women in romantic relationships aren't the only victims. Domestic violence is defined as any violence that occurs in a household, whether between close family relationships or even among distant relatives who happen to be living under the same roof. The most widely publicized forms of domestic violence include that between the husband or father as abuser and girlfriends, wives, and children as victims, although it can actually occur between any family members. Domestic abuse may occur in a wide variety of situations. It may include not only physical abuse, but also sexual abuse, in which the abuser uses force to compel the victim to participate in a sexual act. This can occur even if the victim and the abuser are married or in a romantic relationship. Although identification of physical or sexual domestic abuse is not difficult to uncover by those closest to the victims, it is of...

We have seen the movies, listened to talk show hosts, heard stories about relatives, friends and co-workers, and some of us were victims ourselves, domestic abuse hasn't gone anywhere.  No matter how much a civic group preaches about "no more abuse,"  there will always be someone somewhere who feels that it is his or her right to abuse over and over again! What we already know about domestic abuse is that it is a pattern and/or cycle of controlling behavior and this typically occurs with people who live together or have lived together.  The behaviors can be life threatening and lead to a premature death for victims.  Domestic abuse spreads throughout generations and it doesn't matter your background, ethnicity, faith, gender, sexuality, social class, etc.  However, what we need to know is that in times of crisis (such as what we are still in), the abuser is more agitated, angry, difficult to talk to, and if he or she has lost employment, the constant worry abou...

Why do people in relationships, who know that their mates lie, connive, cover-up, and do other sneaky things, expect them to come forth with the truth about things like:  their whereabouts, who they talk to, where they go after work, or who they know? The writing is on the wall when it comes to answered prayer and what do victims do?  They act as if God hasn't shown them anything.  They retreat back into the world of lies.  These victims converse with their abusers about the facts in the hopes of feeling at peace with their partners' answers.  They hope that wrongdoings will be confessed, but it never happens.  Instead, what usually occurs is the abuser will do things like:  stone-wall, argue, defend, bad-mouth others, gas-light, blame, deny, or minimize the situation(s). "Babe, it's not what you think.  You know I wouldn't do that...I really care about you.  Honey, we have been through so much, I have changed.  I would never hurt y...

Years of being with someone controlling will wreck havoc on your mind, body and spirit.  You will find yourself just as controlling, miserable, and manipulative as the abusive person in your life.  I have witnessed this first hand and I will tell you that people under years of mind control are untrustworthy.  Somewhere within, they will always feel like they ought to protect, respect, and appreciate their abusers at least in front of others.  But behind closed doors is typically a different story.  Some of the same tactics used on them, victims will attempt to use on their abusers.  They become quite good at them, but they are never isolated to just using their devious ways on their controlling partners, they will use them on others too i.e.) children, friends, co-workers, etc. Some things that you or someone you know might need to be mindful of with these victims include: 1.  They will say one thing and do another.   Many vic...

In today's society, it is crucial to address the impact of untreated trauma on children. Exposure to abusive behaviors and unresolved traumas can have profound effects on a child's development and well-being. In this blog post, we will delve into the various themes discussed in a recent podcast episode, highlighting the importance of providing a safe and stable environment for children. Through verbatim quotes from the Stillness Gifts podcast hosted by the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate , Nicholl McGuire, we will explore the potential consequences of untreated trauma and the steps that can be taken to mitigate its impact. Exposure to Behavior "Untreated victims of abuse will do something that will surprise you."  The first theme we encounter is the unpredictable behavior exhibited by untreated victims of abuse. Nicholl recounts a distressing incident involving a priest who, overwhelmed by a crying baby, resorts to hitting the child instead of offering a bl...

Trigger Warning:  This post discusses domestic violence, including emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence at 1-800-782-6400. The Hidden Reality: Domestic Violence in Arizona and Beyond Domestic violence is not just a private issue—it’s a public health crisis. In Arizona, the numbers are staggering:  42.6% of women and 33.4% of men  have experienced intimate partner violence, sexual violence, or stalking in their lifetimes[1]. In 2024 alone,  61 Arizonans were killed in domestic violence-related homicides , with over half of those deaths occurring in Maricopa County[2]. These statistics are not just numbers—they represent lives, families, and futures forever changed. Why Don’t Victims “Just Leave”? A common question—often asked with good intentions but little understanding—is:  Why don’t vict...

I have had the blessing and the curse of having some very straightforward people in my social circles over decades.  The kind of men and women who give you the truth with no chaser.  "Look your boyfriend is ugly...I don't know what you see in him.  Stop dating broke men!  You are better than that..."  Can I say you need bold people like that around you until you are back on your feet again? As you progress, you might want to lose them, because negative people have their share of baggage and after awhile you outgrow them.  Anyway... Look, I have been transparent for years all around the web and shared my testimony of freedom, peace and increase after coming out of a very bad relationship over a couple decades ago and another mentally draining one soon after that.  I personally want abused men and women to win!  Use their mistakes in life to propel them, but not continue to allow poor decisions to suffocate, bind, and rob them of better lives in t...

On an audio recording, I talk about someone who I call "Mr. Potential."  He is the guy that many women fall in love with knowing full well that he has far too many flaws to count, but they believe that he will change one day.  "If I just pray for this...I hope for that...buy him this...Just maybe he will change..." the victim tells herself after yet again being disrespected by her partner. After years being around male relatives and friends, who dare I say it were nothing more than trouble for their women, these players, pimps, hustlers, pretty boys, and similar guys with egos the size of their heads, rarely do change!  The victims are in love with the false images they have of their partners.  They see things only in the way they want and will fight anyone who shows them any different.  Sound the alarm in an attempt to help the gullible/brainwashed/controlled victims and they will turn on you like a snake.  Now I don't want any one read...

So you thought a person in an abusive relationship already had enough issues from verbal insults to fighting with a partner, yet they have spiritual issues too?  Yes, many of them.  Salvation is doubted at times for some.  Rebellion is a common foe.  The Holy Ghost living within a believer is often grieved.  Church brothers and sisters might create distance for any number of reasons including being victims of the victims.  Satanic views or worldly thoughts become enticing.  Temptation to do something to an abuser that might put one in jail is a constant fight.  Immorality, compromising one's faith...the list goes on. Whether you or someone you know is struggling in a relationship that keeps him or her stressed, know that the victim is also going through a test of faith that will either grow stronger as a result or cause one to want to forget about God. The more drama one puts up with from a person who loves power and contr...

The next time you are seated with someone having a discussion about a celebrity, a partner, a relative, or a co-worker, notice how the person talks about those who he or she really likes, but may have some issues with.  If you were to analyze the negative conduct of one's favorite person and mention how they are dealing or not dealing with the issues, what do you think the reaction might be? Most people who see themselves in others or are being hurt by someone they still love or like, will find ways to excuse the person's disrespectful or shocking behavior.  They will attempt to get you to focus on what good they did, how much money they have, where they live, or who they know so that it lessens the evil that the individual has committed.  The "fan" will defend their favorite person even though they may not like recent activities.  They may say the person being accused is being railroaded, people just don...