Monday

Controlling Partners Teach Their Victims Well to Manipulate Others

Years of being with someone controlling will wreck havoc on your mind, body and spirit.  You will find yourself just as controlling, miserable, and manipulative as the abusive person in your life.  I have witnessed this first hand and I will tell you that people under years of mind control are untrustworthy.  Somewhere within, they will always feel like they ought to protect, respect, and appreciate their abusers at least in front of others.  But behind closed doors is typically a different story.  Some of the same tactics used on them, victims will attempt to use on their abusers.  They become quite good at them, but they are never isolated to just using their devious ways on their controlling partners, they will use them on others too i.e.) children, friends, co-workers, etc.

Some things that you or someone you know might need to be mindful of with these victims include:

1.  They will say one thing and do another.  Many victims will promise to do things but not follow through especially if their abusers object to their actions.  If you should confront them for not keeping their word, they may act threatening or mean.  These victims are good at shifting blame too.  It is never their fault it is always the other person(s).  They learned this quite well after years of being shoved, tripped, or cursed at by their abuser, "It is because of you I had to do that...don't make me hurt you!"

2.  They will swear they never told you something.  Since their minds are often confused with their manipulative partners, they will sometimes forget what they said to others.  If you should remind them of their conversation, they may admit their mistaken or argue that they know what they are talking about and you are wrong.

3.  They lie whether overtly or covertly.  Controlling individuals don't always speak the truth.  They may use intimidation, distraction and other things to keep from being exposed.  Victims will do the same when they don't want you in their business which usually includes more abuse/drama.  So out comes yet another half truth, some missing details, or hidden secrets covered with false or exaggerated story-telling.

4.  Watch your back.  Just when you think it is okay to share your views about their controlling partner, they will go into attack mode.  "Don't you say that...You don't know him...Stop saying that!"  You might have thought you were being helpful, but you were really not.  Victims aren't good friends and don't mind acting vengeful with loved ones.

As long as your loved one or friend is in a controlling relationship, the individual will never see that he/she is independent, strong, and has no need of the abusive individual in his or her life.  It might be quite difficult to see someone you know go through much pain, but remember the individual chose that life and we can't save a person that doesn't think he/she needs saving. 

Pray for the victims of mind control!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad

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