After years being around male relatives and friends, who dare I say it were nothing more than trouble for their women, these players, pimps, hustlers, pretty boys, and similar guys with egos the size of their heads, rarely do change! The victims are in love with the false images they have of their partners. They see things only in the way they want and will fight anyone who shows them any different. Sound the alarm in an attempt to help the gullible/brainwashed/controlled victims and they will turn on you like a snake.
Now I don't want any one reading this to think that women can't be just as bad, because they can be, but for purposes of this article I am sticking with discussing Mr. Potential and his victim.
You know when you have made a bad selection in a partner when you find yourself frequently making excuses for him or her. These victims will lie, blame others, argue, and do any number of things to cover up the fact that their partners are just not right. Rather than focus on the truth about their troubled men; instead they are distracted by things they don't like about exes such as: the money he makes or doesn't make, his children, bad habits, explosive episodes, and more. The anger within goes unaddressed. The dissatisfaction in the relationship is often ignored. The emotional and/or physical abuse is forgiven and forgotten until it shows up again. These prideful victims just don't want to be honest with themselves and others that they messed up!
The only sure way to find the solace one needs in or out of a relationship is to start by creating emotional and eventual physical distance once you know for certain you are ready to stop thinking Mr. Potential will change. One must not be swept away with feelings of missing an emotionally and/or abusive partner, wishes for things to be different, or cave into the pressure of family and religious doctrine. God is not an author of confusion, but men and women are. God doesn't put us in harms way, but we do. The Holy Ghost provides us comfort, but hot-tempered men and women cause family discord. This is why God warns us in Proverbs to stay away from an angry man. But stubborn, desperate, needy women with emotional baggage connect with these type of men all the time. Mr. Potential is a great actor and in time, victims learn how to act like they are happy with him even when they are not. Couples in turbulent relationships will look to justify their sinful deeds while ignoring signs they are a mismatch (or unequally yoked).
No amount of buying gifts, baby-making, or saying nice things will make a bad connection between two people a good one. Promises like: "I will never do that again...I won't say that to you anymore" will no longer hold any weight with some victims and that is why these women end up being survivors. They stand up for themselves in these bad relationships, stop wishing for things that just aren't going to be, and then move on with their lives.
Mr. Potential may have meant well when he proposed, married, and said how much he wanted a family, but his mannerisms say otherwise. It would make sense to be discerning and take on the necessary actions to ensure one's mental and physical safety especially when children are involved.
Ditch what you thought a man should be and focus on what he is not to you and your family! Then alert your support system and watch as well as pray during your healing process.
Here's to the future!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and other books.