Saturday

What Good is Staying with the Abuser?

This wasn't brave of her, it was cruel, selfish, and crazy, she allowed another human being to humiliate her, beat her, rule the kids, teach the family how to hate, manipulate, lie, and abuse others. Oh, what a twisted mind will do for love!

We judge, hate, and sometimes we cut off contact with abused relatives and friends.  These victims serve as reminders of when we were once weak.  We too permitted others to abuse and use us whether we knew their intentions or didn't believe what they were doing, either way we were being emotionally hurt over and over again until we wised up.

Self-righteous victims and survivors are so busy trying to make something that isn't meant to be, meant while others have become so weary of relationship, work, and other dramas that the fight to do anything different just isn't there anymore.  Therefore partners can cheat while victims look away, children can be disobedient without little, if any, discipline, money is wasted on useless goods, and who cares?

There is a woman, probably in your neighborhood, at your work or in your family, with an abusive partner and children who hasn't thrown the towel in yet when it comes to her relationship with her abuser.  She might be guilty of throwing the towel at her partner, but she sincerely wants a happy ever after.  She is determined to make family work at the risk of losing her mind in the process, putting the children through more trauma, and spending up money and time on a troubled man who obviously doesn't love her.

Those on the outside looking in say, "What good is it staying with him?  Why bother with someone who doesn't love back?"  She would reply, "My staying isn't about him..."  But what is it about?  For many victims it's about winning!  Years of losing battles, cheering for loosing teams, loosing wealth, and more will drive you to want to win at something.  For some victims it is the hope that family will win this time that keeps them motivated.  They want to be able to walk away from the fight one day knowing they did everything they could to save a marriage, keep dad around, maintain house, and more.  They don't want to have any regrets.  Yet, oftentimes late in life victims who turn into widowed survivors wish, "I should have left back then.  I could have spared myself and my children further emotional and physical damage.  I was so stupid!"

This will be someone's story one day reading this.  She might grow to be a little wiser as a result of putting up with so much from an angry man, even have a comfortable lifestyle, and achieved more than those who have came before her, but she will have her regrets.

The best thing that any woman can do for herself and family is to be happy.  If she isn't happy, those around her won't be happy for her or the connection she has with an emotionally and physically abusive partner.  Money and material goods are temporal, but so is a mind that when repeatedly pushed will lack good judgment,

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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