Saturday

You Can't Be Idle on Weekends When in a Miserable Relationship with an Abusive Partner

Plenty of victims have learned the hard way that too much idle time spent around an angry man or woman, especially during evenings and weekends, will lead to sooner or later abusive words, hands, or more striking out.  People, who are historically rude with others, are not easy to like or love.  This is why many angry, lonely people take to the Internet for some social stimulation, because they have offended most folks who have been in their presence offline.  In time, their own kinfolk want very little to do with them.


Family members, friends, exes, co-workers and others have the mental and physical freedom that abused men and women have yet to experience when it comes to dealing with these difficult people.  The kind of freedom that victims envy.  They can be cordial periodically with their abusive sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. while carrying on with their lives, because they don't have to live with them, sit down and have dinner, or do anything more.  Most people don't think about what could be going on in their abusive relatives or co -workers' lives, because "that's their business, I have enough to be concerned about in my own life."  When witnessing the reaction of those who might be aware of their family member's angry side, but could care less, it can be quite emotional for victims.  These hurting individuals know full well there is no help coming from those who are far too busy with their lives to give a d*mn.  This is one of many reasons why victims have no support systems in place.

So life goes on and it is left up to abused men and women to figure out their situations or enlist the help of professionals.  They can't afford to be idle around their hot-tempered mates otherwise it won't be long before a minor infraction turns into an explosive verbal battle.  This is why a lot of abused victims are constantly on the move, looking for any way or reason to be out of their abusers' presence.  They cook for a long time in the next room, they clean everything in sight, or they are connected with an event, organization, and more just to keep out of view for awhile.  Those who live with alcoholics do everything they can not to be around them and will travel with children until drunks pass out or leave the residences.  The same for those who are partnered with drug users.  Then there are those who have mentally ill companions and can't do or say much around them or else suffer the consequences.  I have witnessed all and experienced some abuse myself, so I can attest to the myriad of emotions one feels when in stressful settings where you feel like you have to walk on egg shells with an irritable mate. 

The victim, who was mislead by a lying, cheating, or mean partner, has to learn how to "keep the peace" and stay busy on whatever tasks might help him or her out of the damaging partnership or remain in it by doing what is ask so one won't be terribly upset on a daily basis while ignoring one's personal feelings.  As one victim put it, "You go along to get along if you are not ready to leave."

If you are just getting by with an angry partner, think about allowing for space between you both and quiet your mouth too (this means stop the arguing) if you have no intentions of getting a domestic violence counselor, Christian minister, social worker, or police involved in your situation.  But do come up with a plan not to be idle around this person who keeps fighting you about any and everything.  Consider additional employment where you can work on weekends, maybe help friends during times when a partner is at home, join a social club or attend local events just so that you don't sit idle with a temperamental partner all-too-willing to start yet another abusive episode.  Do these things until you have enough courage, money, and more to make your exit for good this time.

Nicholl McGuire
Check out my books to the right of this screen as well as helpful resources.  For the latest blog entries, please subscribe.

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