Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Emotional abuse occurs often in relationships and many men and women have remained in difficult situations not knowing they are being abused.

You changed since the constant bills, cheating, lies and more while being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally and/or physically abusive.  Further, you saw the truth a long time ago that the man you are dating or married to is one of five things: a womanizer, a manipulator, a cold-hearted hustler, a serial liar, or a violent man.  Rather than save money, time, and orchestrate a plan to correct your error, you are putting icing on it like a cake.  "I'll pray about it...I will talk to him...I will buy him...I will tell him we need counseling..."  Notice "I will" it's your will from start to finish, but what about God's--the holy one you claim you obey and trust?  Troubled women try to fix broken men all the time!  These ladies come from varied backgrounds (rich, poor, sane, insane) where they lived wild (and some still do).  These women were abused in previous relationships and have childhoods that have left them permanently scarred emoti

Here are many signs one must watch out for when involved or married to someone who is mean, sometimes nice, mean, sometimes nice and so on to you and others.  If the pattern of verbal and/or physical abuse is allowed to continue, you best believe you have yourself a manipulative, emotionally abusive partner.  Most women and men settle because they are already caught in their abusers' webs.  They are often defensive, unhappy, jealous of others, and mean-spirited just like the abusive men and women they have partnered with. 1.  Spouse or lover rarely if ever comforts you--isn't that interested in your "issues." 2.  Doesn't apologize when at fault. 3.  You don't feel beautiful around him or her.  Compliments are rationed out, insults (or jokes) are given, or nothing is said at all. 4.  You are used like a puppet on strings to finance trips, pay household bills, clean home, perform errands, cook, babysit, assist with past due items, etc. meanwhile you ha

As one goes about his or her day being treated nicely by one's abusive partner (yet again), keep in mind the behavior is temporal.  The niceties during the honeymoon phase don't mean that a dysfunctional relationship is any better than it was when a partner screamed a week, month or sin months ago, "I want out of this relationship!  I hate you!  I really wish you would leave me alone!"  The monster within is just sitting quietly for now because nothing is occurring to set him or her off.  However, give it some time and irritations will be projected on someone else if not you. Sex is the great motivator to be on one's best behavior, but it doesn't secure relationships.  A cheating man can have sex with his troubled wife in the morning, flirt with a few ladies while walking by, meet up with his hot girlfriend by afternoon, watch porn during a break at work, then tease his wife again before midnight for more sex, roll over then go to sleep as if he has done no

Persuading yourself to believe your own lies at home, work and elsewhere?  You know you are unhappy, but your secret is safe with me.  Listen to this audio message.  May God bless! Persuading Yourself to Believe Your Own Lies

I just wanted to take this moment to thank the contributors of this blog and all those who have shared their entries.  I am so glad that so many involved in good, bad and otherwise relationships have found it useful.  I look forward to a breakthrough year for many of you!  Freedom is just around the corner, embrace it!  You have prayed, fasted, cried, and complained and when the escape plan is looking you in your face, follow it! Far too many men and women in relationships who realize they have made serious errors partnering with angry individuals who are incompatible try so hard to cover up their mistakes by spending more money for fancy gifts and vacations, lying to relatives and friends about their unhappy home, while attempting to make someone happy who just isn't content in the relationship.  Take your eyes off the appearance/wish/hope for happiness and seek after true contentment--you owe it to yourself and those who are watching some of you hurting who are slowly losing

The holidays might bring out the worst or best in you.  Isn't it a bit unnerving not knowing which personality is going to show up around a partner's family or your own?  You know you don't care, like or love your partner anymore, but now is not the time to ruin others' cheerful moods to announce something you have known all year or mere days ago. People who are in verbally or physically abusive relationships worry about a lot.  It can be difficult to quiet the voices in your head that make a mountain out of a mole hill about people, places and things, due to all the walking on eggshells with a controlling partner.  Whether your time has been weeks that feel like a decade or for many years with someone, you know how it can be when you are under pressure because of this person. So watching what you say to relatives, friends and his or her side of the family can be a burden, but it is something that victims must do if they don't want to experience additional pain

The words are flying out of an angry lover or spouse's mouth as if boasting about failed relationships, dysfunctional relatives, and unsatisfying jobs is going to somehow make the individual look better or hurt the one who's listening.  Miserable partners do cast blame and twist failure around into what appears like success while wielding it as if it is a weapon.  This is usually done when the player, pimp or hustler type is caught in yet another lie, twisted truth, weird way of behaving, or downright abusive act. The user and/or abuser has got to corner you during battle launching a verbal attack.  He or she will accuse you of being wrong when you are sincerely right this time, the last and maybe the time before that.  Too much truth, wisdom, exposing, etc. and the angry man or woman viciously responds with, "You think you are better...You always want to be right!  You don't know what you are talking about!  What makes you an expert on...?  Well what about that d

Part 1 - Message based on Difficult Personalities: A Practical Guide to Managing the Hurtful Behavior of Others (and Maybe Your Own) http://share.myflare.com/48FbFm Part 2 of 2 - The Passive Aggressive Personality/ "I'm Always Right!" - based on Difficult Personalities... book http://share.myflare.com/XFQsMR Spiritual related audios can be found YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 .

Representing Yourself in Court | DomesticShelters

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by NowSourcing . From Visually .

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You know why a lot of families are grieving this day?  It is because during the heat of an argument their beloved, yet deceased, sons and daughters yelled out their intentions (what they planned to do like leave them) to their abusers, and even acted boldly in attempting to defend themselves.  Victims buried six feet deep prematurely because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut! You don't tell a violent man or woman your plans, ever!  You might think he or she wouldn't think twice about hitting you, ruining your credit, hurting your children , or doing any other crazy act, but think again!  Just because you have been with someone well-over a decade doesn't mean that he or she wouldn't take what they have learned from you and flip the script! The Bible warns to love our enemies for good reason.  Even if you can't love an enemy at least act like it until you are as far away from him or her as possible.  Treat the person kindly, but not so well to the poi

Frequently angry men and women who claim to love their partners really don't.  They are so emotionally involved with all that upsets them to sincerely care much about how their mates truly feel concerning the relationship, children and more. Abusive people are only happy when they feel in control and can exercise their demands on others.  Keep idolizing them while making these mean-spirited people feel like you can't live without them and you just might not be punished by them at least for awhile.  However, cross them, rebel, or do something you desire to do and before long you are walking on thin ice with them.  The violent type will sooner or later attack as some of you already know.  Now if you have yet to experience that suffocating, walking on egg shells, stomach-churning, and nervous feeling that angry men and women bring out of their victims then give it some time, stick it out with them long enough and your head and gut will be affected by them. Nicholl McGuire h

Every woman thinks she can be his number one, but the narcissist's knows better.  He doesn't love women, he uses them to obtain benefits.  There are no women in his life he deems game changers that can turn the handsome play boy into a devoted and loving husband.  As this blogger learned, the only thing you will get from a sociopath is another broken heart.  Read this story.

The last holiday season of the year will bring out the best in anyone especially if he or she knows that right around the bend is a long awaited breakup.  Now before you start thinking about whether your partner plans on leaving, just know ending a relationship takes time so it doesn't mean that January (or any month) next year applies to you or him/her.  Besides, one's mate might not be the one thinking about leaving, but you are.  So fed up with the relationship roller coaster ride and so done with lies, cheating, abuse, etc., January just might be the right time for you to plan your exit.  However, keep in mind a jilted lover doesn't go away so easily and neither does a violent one, so be sure you have the necessary support system in place from domestic violence counselors to police officers standing by. Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.

Not every woman is a victim and not every man is abusive toward his woman.  For the man who is looking to get out of a verbally and physically abusive relationship, She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire was written for you.  If you are not in an abusive relationship, pass this book on to someone you might know in a relationship with a crazy woman.  Get your copy today!

A daughter has seen it all mommy in tears while a son watches his dad with fears after connecting with partners that are unfit for an intimate relationship much less a step-child.  Quick to jump into relationships, dating couples who later marry end up right back to where they started from--bitter, angry, confused, and used again.  How did one return to a mess he or she calls a relationship?  Children are not stupid, they know when parents screw up and they also know when they are better off spending much needed time alone possibly permanently. Let's face it, after going through much in life, not everyone is equipped emotionally and physically to have a serious relationship with someone whether they met these individuals on or offline.  Until emotional and/or physical healing takes place from past problems and a determined and disciplined mindset to want to change, it will always be more of the same.  The older we get the least likely we will do anything different. A rebel

Problems on top of problems is what I thought prior to writing this.  Some will add more drama to their personal lives without solving the problems that already exist.  Running from the problem at home is not going to make matters better.  Sure, for a few hours at the dinner table you drink and eat then spend some time watching TV and happy children playing, or you quietly whisper about a partner in the next room to a relative, but do you really plan on doing anything? A victim must be very selective when it comes to who he or she confides in.  The family gossip isn't going to help matters, an elderly person who is ill-equipped to handle stress isn't the least bit interested in being a good listener, and a parent or sibling who is worn out with story-telling isn't coming to your rescue if they too are in dysfunctional relationships.  Everyone just wants to have a good time.  The problem with that is people like this are unreliable. Sometimes hanging out with relatives

They are angry, bitter, abusive and will blame their victims for any and everything that goes on in their lives.  You might be the closest one to them, you love and stand by them, but how much can you take?  These are abusive people who we love. For years, the Laboring to Love...team has provided resources, tips and interviews to people who are just like you looking for a bit of peace of mind when it comes to loving someone who acts unlovable.  We labor to love abusive people and we pay the price too for doing so!  So if you feel at your wits end, do scroll around this site for helpful information related to your abusive experiences or someone else's. For the latest postings, do subscribe to this blog.  If you are a business or group benefiting from this work, we ask that you assist us by donating generously to Nicholl McGuire Media.  Since 2007, we have cherry-picked some of the best and most useful information to help abused individuals break free from toxic relationships an

You felt like you lost the battle.  You didn't feel heard, weren't respected, and there was no solution and/or agreement provided, now what?  Well, you can't force someone to go along with you if he or she is not open to receiving what you say no matter how valuable you think your insight might be in helping matters.  So what now? 1.  Find out what you can do to provide peace of mind for you .  Ask yourself, "How can I best manage the situation/problem on my end?' 2.  Be prepared for any backlash, because you took matters into your own hands. Have a list of reasons ready, proof, and anything else you need if your partner should confront you later. (Note: if you fear he or she will abuse you, contact police station.  An officer can show up to your residence without it being an emergency just state what your concerns are when you call). 3.  Know yourself and how long and how much you are willing to deal with when it comes to a difficult partner. 4.  Manage y

After listening to that voicemail over and over again, I couldn't believe that the man who claimed he loved me would stoop so low. He knew what the relationship deal breaker was from the start, and that was cheating. Yet, he did it anyway. Her voice was soft, inviting and she looked forward to seeing him again. When I approached him with my discovery, his face looked sad, angry, and confused all at the same time. The red, round face barked about why was I looking in his things and went into denial about not being with her when he was supposed to be out grocery shopping. Funny, that day in question, he only returned with a few items. After yelling and crying much, I lost my footing and let the wall catch my back as I slipped slowly onto my behind. My head was bent, face in hands and so was my heart. In between sobs, I managed to get out, "This is over, I am leaving and I'm taking the baby too!" You think he would have objected after years spent together

Lisa A. Romano is a Breakthrough Life Coach who specializes in helping people heal their childhood programming. If you have been raised by alcoholics, narcissists, or if you are struggling with codependency, and have been attracting narcissists into your life these videos will help you unravel the dysfunctional beliefs that are holding you back. For professional inquires; http://www.healingselfesteem.com

This is a list of quality websites with useful information when it comes to sexual abuse, rape or incest.  Hotline numbers are available. 1) Sexual Abuse Resources - PublicHealth.org 2) Preventing Child Sexual Abuse Resources 3) Sexual Abuse | National Child Traumatic Stress Network ... 4) Sexual Abuse - American Psychological Association 5) Christian Resources for Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse What Christians Get Wrong About Sexual Abuse Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/current/what-christians-get-wrong-about-sexual-abuse#A5rRY0XCPi00Z8Hc.99   Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html  

Have you ever been given the advice to act boring, look unattractive, and rid yourself of the things you know your abusive partner likes prior to ending a relationship?  Well if you haven't, let me introduce you to yet another effective method for some people in bad relationships who know full well they are with psychopaths.  Many abusers are attracted to nice, seemingly caring people who are beautiful, generous, and own quality things (or if they know you might get something useful in the future they just might stick around).  But what if you recreate your reality to push your mean-spirited partner out the door?  What if you were dull, not helpful, quiet, non-responsive, don't react to anything...you just might get "Trouble" to go away.  Learn about the The Gray Rock Method of Dealing With Psychopaths.  

You are left with no alternative when staying in a relationship with someone who continues to bring you down on a daily basis.  No matter how much you talk, buy gifts, prepare good meals, respond to his or her needs, scream, cry, moan, complain, or threaten, an abusive mate isn't the least bit interested in changing.  Sure, he or she will make promises and temporarily act on them while you go along for a time, but the elephant is still in the room and no one is doing anything about it.  What now?  It is only natural to want out of a situation that makes you feel like you are "useless, a nag, b*tch, trouble, crazy" or whatever else an abusive partner has labeled you.  Check out this writing by Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men author Nicholl McGuire.  This work is for both men and women laboring to love the un-loveable.  Thinking About Divorce A Lot?  How Bad Is It?

She smiles at her neighbors, makes small talk with co-workers, and works hard to be nice to family members, but inside she is a wreck.  He tells people how great he feels, how well his family is doing and how proud he is of them, while carrying around past offenses.  Both are unhappy , but they will never tell you. When I was in abusive situations (mental and physical), then later getting married for the first time, I wore a bright smile despite much of the pain I was going through inside.  I laughed with people, made jokes, carried myself in positive ways, that unless you knew me very well, you wouldn't know I was in pain.  I was often angry inside, because I couldn't make troubled partners behave.  I detected that there was something wrong with them, me and what we called a "relationship," but I felt so helpless.  So I masked the ugly stuff  I was feeling inside with shopping, pretty makeup and eye-catching hairstyles.  When chatting with others about my issues,

How many times does one excuse unacceptable behaviors before realizing that he or she is living a lie?  Persuading his or herself into thinking, "No he didn't just do that...My kid is just exaggerating...No, it really wasn't that bad...Things will be okay.  She really means well."  Really? Let's go over last night, the night before, or maybe a month ago.  What happened?  What did your partner say and what did you do about an abusive episode, a screaming match, cheating, drinking, etc.?  How do you now feel since "it" occurred?  Have you talked about anything and come to any solution as of yet?  Should you and/or children even be around this person? Cast aside your partner's explanation for whatever that bad something was, religious or secret group views, what parents and others say, what is the truth that you know?  Deep within you know something isn't or wasn't right, so why act as if all is okay and you and/or children will just get ov

When many people raise hell for more money, power, fame, curses on enemies, etc. the negative energy comes by like a wind, causing much trouble in relationships and elsewhere.  Take a moment of silence for those who were sacrificed in October due to occult holiday celebrations.  Now take the time to think about yourself, how much sacrificing have you done already with time, money, and more just to make an emotionally and/or physically abusive partner happy? Running around like a chicken with its head cut off, a woman or man who just wants to live a dream in an unhappy relationship will keep pressing forward anyway all the while creating more debt, responsibility (like pregnancy), making more investments, and carrying the whole family down a dark, destructive path.   Too stubborn, prideful, and angry within to admit, "I was wrong.  This partner wasn't what I had in mind.  I apologize Lord for not listening..." The poor woman or man keeps making more work for his or her

You know you have to think beyond the scope of your situation.  You can't allow a negative man or woman to get the best of you.  If you were to stoop down to his or her level, you just might be the one abusing him or her or worse sending that individual to a place that he or she might never awake.  So you rise above fleshly desires.  You allow your spiritual self to take over and you ponder on your next move.  A short or long walk outdoors brings relief and safety, good music playing in earphones provides inner peace, silence and prayer heals, and a quality conversation with a kind friend helps ease the nerves. If you are spiritual, you probably have God in the plan these days when it comes to dealing with an abusive mate.  You are praying, possibly fasting, and waiting on God to give you a sign, a blessing, or hoping for your abuser to leave.  I want you to know that He will move in His time.  He will see you through, but freedom doesn't come without sacrifice.  You have g

Intoxicating Feelings - Lust, Romantic Love - Dating and Relationships - Video Dailymotion

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate is a blog that is maintained by Nicholl McGuire of Nicholl McGuire Media.  For years, this wife, mother and survivor has shared personal insight, stories, and media with readers curious about topics related to abuse or who are in toxic relationships.  If you are interested in partnering with this professional blogger, feel free to contact her at nichollmcguire@yahoo.com   Ad rates are affordable.  Nicholl appears at related events in Los Angeles County and is available to speak for a fee about domestic and dating violence and other related topics. Some relationship and family books and blogs by Nicholl include: Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men Say Goodbye to Dad When Mothers Cry Laboring to Love Myself Lovedatingadvice.BlogSpot.com Tipsdatingoldermen.BlogSpot.com Whenmotherscry.BlogSpot.com NOTE:  The writings may be found on her blog: nichollmcguire.BlogSpot.com or you can find all links on anyone of Nicholl's latest

Sometimes women have a short memory when it comes to dating or marrying their charming partners.  Before long, they recognize similar mannerisms, conversations, and behaviors like that of the controlling men they have been influenced by growing up or dating in the past.  "Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men" is for women who may need a reminder to keep watch for signs in current partners that they overlooked in their past bad relationships before they get too emotionally and physically involved with yet another manipulator. Book available with free sample here.

Five Ways to Stand Up for Victims of Abuse:  http://bit.ly/UUbDGM Verizon Hopeline:  http://bit.ly/XTynJT Men Can Stop Rape:  http://bit.ly/TPmzlD Web of Benefit:  http://bit.ly/UCw1ry

He doesn't wear marriage and children. An Excerpt from Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire - Video Dailymotion

Continuing with informative resources and groups about dating and domestic violence, Nicholl shares tips on selecting a quality group based on website and other details.  She references Shepherd's Door Domestic Violence Resource Center  in this audio.  This organization provides social services throughout Pasadena, Altadena, and the San Gabriel Valley.  Learn more by visiting website while Nicholl mentions it in this audio, click here.

Are you in an abusive relationship, just got out of one or was in one awhile ago?  Having been through or still going through a tough time doesn't mean you can't warn others about dating or domestic violence.  Kicking off the domestic violence awareness month, Nicholl shares abuse statistics listed on SafeVoices.org  which were gathered from a variety of sources mentioned in audio and available on the site. In this message, the survivor adds thoughtful commentary generating deep thought about relationship abuse.  Listen and ponder on the following information.  Enlighten a few.  Feel free to follow along by clicking on SafeVoices.org  and this audio,  Why Does it Matter? Violent Relationship Stats .  

One common denominator that all who have given up family tradition, religious beliefs, and more for their abusers is that they love their partners too much. "I went against my dad's wishes for you...After all I did for you...I moved out of my country...My family shunned me because I wanted to be with you." You or someone you know sacrificed a lot just to be with a partner who emotionally, sexually and/or physically abuses you or a friend.  But why stay?  Many victims have their reasons.  Sometimes there is no one and nothing else to turn to due to far too many sacrifices made.  Think about how much you have done so far for your partner.  The abuser ultimately got his or her way, he or she might have wanted his or her partner isolated so that this person could have complete control of the relationship.  Everyone and everything that meant something to the victim was put on hold, distant, or cut off.  Independence is forbidden with possessive partners.  It all seemed

One of the biggest mistakes we make when getting involved with troubled people personally and/or professionally is that we choose to overlook the warning signs that tell us, "Something isn't right...This person is acting strangely, crazy...I should keep my distance."  Some people will ignore the warning signs for reasons like, "Well, he doesn't look crazy...maybe it's me.  I guess she isn't so bad, she reminds me of..." and go ahead anyway with what appears to be a healthy connection until it turns into a mountain of dysfunction.  With every insult, anger outburst, and other negative emotions, one feeling within that starts to stand out more than others with some people is that of self-defeat.  The desire to win a great friendship, an argument, love, affection, a compliment, a gift, a ring, or anything else is no more.  Too tired, overwhelmed and bitter to keep trying, some so-called good men and women stray.  Before long, one is accepting whateve

In my previous posting I shared a video of a 30 year abuser and there was much insightful information in that creatively done video.  But the thought came to mind after watching it, "Imagine how the woman felt or women that tried to stick it out with this guy...these ladies who thought that their efforts could change him."  As I've said before on this blog, isn't that what many people think when they enter into new relationships or remain in bad ones?  Ladies and gentlemen: You can't change emotional abusers and physically violent men and women.  They have got to want to change and usually without their enablers and victims by their sides. The newness wears off, the good times don't remain, the promises fall by the way-side, and the pain doesn't stay gone in poor marriages and relationships.  All the issues just linger on.  I remember feeling so frustrated in an emotionally abusive relationship (cheating, lying, arguing, secrets, etc.) to the point th