Wednesday

Watch What You Say to Others About the Man, Woman You Once Loved But Still Involved

The holidays might bring out the worst or best in you.  Isn't it a bit unnerving not knowing which personality is going to show up around a partner's family or your own?  You know you don't care, like or love your partner anymore, but now is not the time to ruin others' cheerful moods to announce something you have known all year or mere days ago.

People who are in verbally or physically abusive relationships worry about a lot.  It can be difficult to quiet the voices in your head that make a mountain out of a mole hill about people, places and things, due to all the walking on eggshells with a controlling partner.  Whether your time has been weeks that feel like a decade or for many years with someone, you know how it can be when you are under pressure because of this person.

So watching what you say to relatives, friends and his or her side of the family can be a burden, but it is something that victims must do if they don't want to experience additional pain at home along with children pets, etc. 

As much as some observers really want to extract the truth and be that listening ear (or the family gossip), it is best to stay quiet and avoid confiding in them at this time until you are ready to escape your situation.  Tis the season of false holiday cheer for many.  Anyway, put on your fake smile and hold your head high with the rest of them until you know what your next move might be.

NOTE:  If you have never suffered as a result of an abuser, I would suggest that you don't put any pressure or stress on someone who has about talking to you or visiting with you during this season.  Abusive situations are like volcanoes and earthquakes you never know when they might erupt or when someone might turn on you while you thought you were only trying to be helpful. 

Treat the victim with love and kindness.  Remind her or him you will be there should this person need any assistance--keep to your word.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books including She's Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men. 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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