Wednesday

How to Know When Your Partner is Getting in Your Head through Intimidation

The abusive man or woman vents, throws things, breaks treasured items, stares you down, or threatens to beat you down.  The more he or she does this, the more worried you become.  You walk on egg shells, worried that one of these days he is going to take out his or her anger on your face and other places on your body.

For some of you reading this, you think, "Who lives this way?"  No one goes into any relationship hoping to get scared straight to suit someone else's demands.  Situations like this begin like a cat and mouse game. The cat sees the mouse and watches his or her every move before he goes in for the kill. For days, weeks, months, or even years, the abusive man or woman spent time learning how to get into the head of his or her so-called partner/soul mate/sweetie/babe.

When a lover was weak due to a major upset in the family, his or her hot-tempered partner was there to uplift. When money was short and bills were due, the controlling man or woman took care of his or her lover's responsibilities.  When time was short and no one could be called upon, not even parents, the abuser was there.  He or she earned a significant role in a victim's life while family and friends were too busy to see anything.  Therefore, because of all of what the abuser has done in that victim's life for not only her, but possibly family and friends too, the victim will pay over and over again.  There will always be some need of an abuser that a victim will feel obligated to fill.  When he or she can't meet the need, the individual will look outside the home for someone else to help him or her meet the need of that mean-spirited controlling wife or husband.

The abuser never looks as bad as he or she does to family and friends.  Instead, the angry man or woman's reputation is protected by the victim, "It isn't so bad...really is a good guy...she means well...she just loves me a lot...cares much about the family."  While the victim deceives his or herself, others know differently and don't bother dealing with the couple much, because they don't want to be subjected to their drama.

Most abusers are innately selfish people who pretend to be generous.  They really could care less about the people in their lives especially when loved ones can't assist them as much as they would like.   These broken men and women, who were abused during childhood, have personality disorders and other issues, take their pain out on others.  Since many abusers are well-aware it isn't acceptable to kick, slap, choke or do anything else to partners when they are angry, they use threatening behaviors.  They make their victims so scared they won't do much else but listen and do--no questions asked.

The intimidating stare was used early on in the relationship when the abuser didn't like something his or her date said or did.  So the date accommodated the partner by doing what he or she thought would appease him or her.  Then it was the repeated yelling during arguments which frightened some dates to the point that their nerves were often on edge.  Sometimes the throwing or smashing things from an abuser made victims act like robots for fear that they might be next.  Veteran victims, who have been in relationships like this for a long time might not be as scared, but they are often worried particularly when there is a weapon in the home that the abuser periodically likes to take out and clean.

If any of this describes you, chances are you have found a way to cope in the relationship.  However, don't blame others for your sudden mood swings, quick-temper, and nervousness, you are living with someone who has been using intimidating tactics for years to keep you close and obedient.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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