Friday

Uncaring, Disloyal, Mean and Yet You Stay with Your Abuser

There is someone out in this world that wants to save the damsel in distress and the man who has grown to hate his wife/girlfriend as a result of being repeatedly abused by her.  The individual wants to be like Jesus and come and save the poor lost soul who chooses to remain in a verbally and physically challenging relationship.


"Just come with me, I will take care of you.  I love you...no one will ever hurt you again.  He doesn't know what he is missing, he doesn't appreciate you, but I will.  You will never have to go through this again, I promise."


The man or woman attempting to save the victim may mean well, but are these "saviors or Good Samaritans" willing to inherit the baggage that comes with one who has allowed his or herself to be abused for months or even years?  Will they fully understand just how deep one's emotions go when being in a relationship with a hot-tempered, controlling, or often jealous partner? 


Nerves are often on edge, mood swings come out of nowhere, and a desire to be locked away in a room sounds perfect on any given day if it means avoiding other people's drama.  Going places and visiting others are feelings that come and go.  In the back of a victim's mind, there is always the voice that lingers, "Don't stay too long, don't be any trouble to anyone, don't talk too much, don't drink too much...I hope they like me."


The idea of starting a new relationship with someone one day, who might be a better match, sounds good, but also bad too.  The voice whispers within, "You never know, he/she just might end up being worse.  Have you really changed?  Are you really ready to be stepping out with someone else yet again?"


The victim almost left his or her miserable relationship at the prompting of someone who truly fell in love--wanted what was best, but then the person had a change of heart and stayed with an unappreciative, uncaring, disloyal and mean mate, but why? 


The mean-spirited individual doesn't want a partner, he or she wants a slave!  A controlling man or woman with a strong case as to why he or she is in charge of the household is not about to let his or her victim go.  It's as if this person senses that someone out there is all-too-ready to take him or her away.  "Not over my dead body," the angry man or woman says.  "But you don't treat your partner right!  Let her/him go!" the savior yells.  The victim is numb to the pain.  He or she still stands on the hope that an abusive partner will change.  The person has learned to adapt to his or her environment.  Change is scary and it requires strength that he or she doesn't have yet.  The mind is not ready to full awake to mistakes made and the hope is not developed within to see a future.  "It is what it is," the victim reasons.  "But it doesn't have to be!  Leave!  Can't you see what he/she is doing?  You are being controlled, you are under a spell!  Look how much life has changed for you.  You are putting up with the abuse because you need a place to stay, food, money, and a car?  I can give you those things!"  the savior is sobbing.


Just as Pharaoh gave Moses and Aaron a hard time in the Bible about letting the Israelites go, so too will an abusive man or woman.  Evil people will not do anything without a verbal or physical fight.  So the plagues come (it seems like their worlds are imploding on them) and still to no avail, they will still keep holding on to their victims.  Sometimes all one can do is trust in his or her heavenly Creator for release. 


For some of you who have been reading this blog for quite some time and choose to stay with abusers, I have one thing to say for those who have prayed, "Your help is on the way!  When the Savior makes a way out of what seems to be no way, go with Him!  Don't delay!  Pack up and get gone!  Jesus is still in the business of rescuing people using people."


Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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