Saturday

Gone Mad: When the Abused Partner Plots Revenge

Negative words and images replay like a scratched up CD, the abused partner fights to keep fantasies of evil away.  He or she hates the sound of a partner's voice, the way he or she looks, and anything else connected with him or her.  The abusive man or woman was someone who the victim once loved, but not any more.


The victim is in survival mode--seeking a way to get out of the controlling partner's maze of confusion.  The abuser's actions can no longer be forgiven.  There is an innate desire to see to it that the abusive individual experiences the pain that the victim has undergone for days, weeks or even years.  However, what good would that do?  Most abusers are walking vessels of pain anyway.  It wouldn't make much of a difference to plot revenge.  There are laws in place and many in jail as a result of taking matters in their own hands.  The focus on freedom is key, then justice will be served sooner or later.


One of the best ways to get back at anyone, who exerts control over someone, is to take their footstool or doormat away.  The victim walking out of his or her cage will send a strong message to the abuser, "You can't keep me, I am not your property.  You have no choice but to let me go."  Of course, no abuser is going to let a victim go without a fight.  There will be a battle to win that person back.  The angry man or woman will come up with ways to get his or her victim to trust in the controlling relationship again and be there for him or her.


The back and forth scenario (break up to make up and break up again) will drive any victim mad.  Once he or she discovers that the abusive mate is just playing mind games yet again, the disappointment will turn into anger and the rage within will want to get even.  "How dare he/she trick me into his/her crazy world yet again!  This idiot promised me things would be different!"


Shaking the negative off and looking for the positive in freedom is the only healthy way to escape the clutches of an abuser.  The longer one stays in dysfunction, the likelihood that he or she will show signs of madness i.e.) thoughts of suicide and revenge, frequent anger, forgetfulness, mean-spiritedness, crying spells, moodiness.  With so much going on in one's mind, job performance will be affected, family and friend relationships will suffer, material loss might occur, sleepless nights, poor appetite/eating habits, frequent head and stomachaches, etc. 


When symptoms of being in an abusive relationship become more noticeable, the abuser will use strange or crazy episodes that he or she provoked in the victim to show others, "See, I told you my partner is crazy...Look what I have to put up with.  There he/she goes again--that's why I don't like being around him/her."  Meanwhile, witnesses should be aware that the crazy-making behavior in a spouse, in-law, relative, or friend is a direct result of one being in a relationship with a difficult person who is driving the victim mad.


Know that some will not leave a relationship like this if they don't believe that an abuser is driving them mad.  In addition, relatives and friends may not believe the victim is the one who is undergoing anything major in the relationship; therefore, there is no support offered.  The abuser has a way of making things appear as if he or she is not at fault while the victim is everything that is wrong with the relationship.


Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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