Monday

The Morning After - Job at Risk, Pain Not Bad Enough to End Relationship

She heard the alarm clock.  There is no getting up out the bed quickly like other mornings before.  She slowly rolls over, the pain in her back, the soreness between legs, and the pressure in her head, the night before was rough.


Why do I stay?


The couple had been arguing, about what she didn't remember at least not at this moment.  Rubbing her back, she can only think of getting to the medicine cabinet to get some remedies for everything that is wrong with her: her back, her head, her vagina--everything hurts!


"He's always angry," she thinks.  "Why do I feed into his nastiness!  Why do I always get hurt in the end?"  She looks at herself in the mirror, she didn't recall getting scratched.  "Where the hell did this come from?"  Markings on her neck as if she had been clawed by a woman with long fingernails.  She looks at her forehead.  Pulling back her bang, "What the f8ck!  Where did this knot come from?"
As she sits on the toilet, memories flood her mind, the ache of make-up sex.  "I didn't want it, I really didn't.  I wasn't even ready...ouch."  It hurts to even wipe herself.


Too much to drink the night before, she recalls a faint memory of being shoved into the entertainment center and her attempt at fighting him back.  It was a losing battle, she couldn't see the man in the middle--there were two or three of him. 


"I hate him! I hate him!" she screams while banging on the bathroom counter, tears are flooding her eyes.  "Damn, damn, damn...why am I so stupid?  Yeah, he's right I shouldn't be with him, what happened to us?  He was so nice in the beginning.  I really liked him.  This is so crazy, I just can't keep being with someone who makes me feel like sh*t!" 


Wiping the tears from her puffy, red eyes, she has to call into work yet again.  What will be the excuse this time?  Clearing her throat, she picks up the phone and dials.  She tries hard to sound happy when she hears her co-worker's pleasant voice answer with, "Hello this is...from ABC Hope."  The broken woman replies with a hoarse, raspy voice, "It's me.  I can't come in."  The co-worker sighs, "You know you are really pushing it.  The boss is going to let you go one of these days if you keep this up."


Funny, how she helps others when she is at work, yet she can't help herself.


Nicholl McGuire


NOTE:  Details have been changed, but I dedicate this entry to those who choose to remain in an abusive relationship a little while longer like I did back in 1996, because you're too hurt, too hung-over and too foolish to make a move.  Please don't wait until it gets even worse!  Leave the relationship while you still have thoughts about why it is so wrong to stay.  Also, don't jeopardize your income source either for a no good partner, you will need your money!!

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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