In a large living-room seated in front of a large screen are men, a few women and some children scattered about. They are all watching the biggest game of the year. In the kitchen, the drinks are pouring, the food is cooking, and the noise in each room is loud. A woman with a head and backache makes her exit from the kitchen, she cries in a nearby bathroom. The night before her husband kicked her and that morning he hit her in the head with a shoe. He has been acting very tensed lately, the gambler has numerous bets on his team. The men and women in the living-room are family and mutual friends, they don't have a clue about the victim's plight. To them, she appears to be in a good relationship with that public sweet-talker, closet abuser.
Most victims of emotional and physical abuse have learned how to play their roles when it comes to events like the Super Bowl. This is another holiday and the majority of women are cooking, cleaning, and caring for children around this time. Those emotionally and physically abused women who know their men well and maintain some degree of order in their households during this time, especially when it comes to children, might get off easy if their partners favorite team wins or loses. However, for the die-hard fans with hot-tempers whether a team wins or loses, if their women and/or children are in the way during the time of boozing, cursing, and acting wild, there will be hell to pay!
So what do victims do during this time of year that typically is enjoyed by family and friends? They either shut themselves up in rooms, begrudgingly go to in-laws homes, visit their own relatives and friends, or they serve the guests in their home and take care of children. Meanwhile, most users and abusers sit on behinds and watch television all day. Sometimes the women are expected to be seated with their controlling mates in front of those screens. In a room full of men, they know to behave themselves or else. They dress how their mates tell them and speak when spoken to saying very little if anything at all. They are to smile and act as if everything is "okay, alright, just fine..." Step out of line and their angry men might make a fool of them in front of everyone!
These abused women pray/hope/wish that male relatives and family friends don't get out of line during Super Bowl madness, because if they do, somehow their abusers will blame them for any misconduct. Some will leave the event only to go home with an angry partner that they will be walking on eggshells around for days, weeks or months. A past offense might be brought up and these abused ladies will reap whatever they have sown whether true or not!
This is why one, who knows that a relative or friend is in a troubled relationship, should not pressure her about coming to a family gathering with her mean-spirited partner. A woman in a bad relationship doesn't want to bring trouble to a household that is relatively good. But selfish and ignorant people will say and do things not realizing how their efforts can potentially make matters worse for the victim. If someone shares with you subtle clues about their relationship like, "Things are okay, not the best. We have our problems like most. I'm trying to stick it out...I am doing the best I can, there is trouble in paradise" and you see tears in their eyes and scars, that person is telling you something. Know that the victim is dealing with more issues than most and doesn't want to worry about what family members might say or do to anger her partner or watch everything she says with those around her in case they have loose lips. For many victims, getting together with others is more than stressful, it is life threatening!
Alcohol, recreational drugs, and prescription medicines will be floating around many households during the Super Bowl. Enablers will keep it all coming, while assuming that everyone is having a good time. But as we all know, some guests don't handle themselves well and a man or woman with a violent past will be prepared to do a little more than have fun.
If you are a victim and you know that the person you are with tends to act badly with you and others, find something to do during the Super Bowl celebration that will keep you out of trouble. Surround yourself around those who can protect you or avoid family gatherings altogether. Try not to be alone if you suspect the abusive individual will be drinking and/or doing drugs on that day. Whatever you do, remain sober and don't encourage the abuser to drink or do drugs. If you notice anything odd or you feel that your safety is being threatened, get the attention of neighbors by screaming, throwing something at a window, or getting away and calling your local law enforcement.
If you know someone is in a bad relationship, don't encourage that person to stay with the abusive partner. Find out if he or she would like to spend time with your family. Don't bring up information he or she has shared with you to the abusive partner. Assist the victim in creating an exit plan. If you notice something isn't right or strange, go with your gut, and call the police.
Nicholl McGuire
Most victims of emotional and physical abuse have learned how to play their roles when it comes to events like the Super Bowl. This is another holiday and the majority of women are cooking, cleaning, and caring for children around this time. Those emotionally and physically abused women who know their men well and maintain some degree of order in their households during this time, especially when it comes to children, might get off easy if their partners favorite team wins or loses. However, for the die-hard fans with hot-tempers whether a team wins or loses, if their women and/or children are in the way during the time of boozing, cursing, and acting wild, there will be hell to pay!
So what do victims do during this time of year that typically is enjoyed by family and friends? They either shut themselves up in rooms, begrudgingly go to in-laws homes, visit their own relatives and friends, or they serve the guests in their home and take care of children. Meanwhile, most users and abusers sit on behinds and watch television all day. Sometimes the women are expected to be seated with their controlling mates in front of those screens. In a room full of men, they know to behave themselves or else. They dress how their mates tell them and speak when spoken to saying very little if anything at all. They are to smile and act as if everything is "okay, alright, just fine..." Step out of line and their angry men might make a fool of them in front of everyone!
These abused women pray/hope/wish that male relatives and family friends don't get out of line during Super Bowl madness, because if they do, somehow their abusers will blame them for any misconduct. Some will leave the event only to go home with an angry partner that they will be walking on eggshells around for days, weeks or months. A past offense might be brought up and these abused ladies will reap whatever they have sown whether true or not!
This is why one, who knows that a relative or friend is in a troubled relationship, should not pressure her about coming to a family gathering with her mean-spirited partner. A woman in a bad relationship doesn't want to bring trouble to a household that is relatively good. But selfish and ignorant people will say and do things not realizing how their efforts can potentially make matters worse for the victim. If someone shares with you subtle clues about their relationship like, "Things are okay, not the best. We have our problems like most. I'm trying to stick it out...I am doing the best I can, there is trouble in paradise" and you see tears in their eyes and scars, that person is telling you something. Know that the victim is dealing with more issues than most and doesn't want to worry about what family members might say or do to anger her partner or watch everything she says with those around her in case they have loose lips. For many victims, getting together with others is more than stressful, it is life threatening!
Alcohol, recreational drugs, and prescription medicines will be floating around many households during the Super Bowl. Enablers will keep it all coming, while assuming that everyone is having a good time. But as we all know, some guests don't handle themselves well and a man or woman with a violent past will be prepared to do a little more than have fun.
If you are a victim and you know that the person you are with tends to act badly with you and others, find something to do during the Super Bowl celebration that will keep you out of trouble. Surround yourself around those who can protect you or avoid family gatherings altogether. Try not to be alone if you suspect the abusive individual will be drinking and/or doing drugs on that day. Whatever you do, remain sober and don't encourage the abuser to drink or do drugs. If you notice anything odd or you feel that your safety is being threatened, get the attention of neighbors by screaming, throwing something at a window, or getting away and calling your local law enforcement.
If you know someone is in a bad relationship, don't encourage that person to stay with the abusive partner. Find out if he or she would like to spend time with your family. Don't bring up information he or she has shared with you to the abusive partner. Assist the victim in creating an exit plan. If you notice something isn't right or strange, go with your gut, and call the police.
Nicholl McGuire
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