The "saved" abuser, self-righteous and others say, "God hates divorce...You shouldn't get remarried. You're going to hell if you do. Stick it out, pray about it.
What did you do to make him want to hurt you?"
Whatever Satan will do to keep a victim under his or her rule, he will use--including spiritual people, places and things. There are many abused Christian victims who wish they never brought abusers to church with them, because now the "saved" abusers are taking what they have learned from the Bible and beating them up with the holy scriptures!
It wasn't enough to have to put up with the abuse from evil hands, but when one uses the word of God wickedly to get selfish desires met, it can be disheartening! (Check out Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic by Nicholl McGuire)
The abuse tends to intensify when some couples (or just one) attends church services. The name-calling, fault-finding, bad-mouthing, pushing, shoving, and more increases at home and before long, someone is calling on Jesus to be free! Meanwhile, many leaders in the church are more concerned about service and monthly donations then why a victim appears sad, upset or emotional when with a partner.
The church and biblical teachings are designed to help not hurt those who want to be saved by a righteous God. But when an evil spirit is still in a man or woman, he or she might use the word of God like a weapon. Most likely, there was no deliverance that took place at the church service and an open mouth confession simply wasn't good enough for the mentally troubled. Therefore, no new creature in Christ, old things will remain!
Those on the outside looking in on the relationship might think that the abuser is saved and wanting to do better with his or her life, but behind closed doors, the only thing that has occurred is that the man or woman just feels more powerful and in control of the victim.
A victim, who is married (or thinking about getting married to one's violent partner), might feel pressured to stay with his or her abuser, because some Christians wield the "God hates divorce" statement like a knife and then go on to talk about why it isn't good to remarry and other subjects taken from the Bible. But the truth is, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The Bible also teaches that a man should love his wife and we are also repeatedly warned in Proverbs about avoiding violent and foolish men. There are countless scriptures that talk about God's wrath when his followers are disobedient and also others that talk about man reaping what he has sown. With so much information in the Bible that clearly states that we are not to be unequally yoked, that we are new creatures in Christ and we are to separate ourselves from evil, there is no reason why one needs to stay with an abuser--a man or woman who is obviously working on the side of darkness.
Many believers (former victims like myself) go on to have better lives. They feel at peace and know that God's grace and mercy sustains them. There is no one size fits all situation. Some abusers and victims get saved while in their mess, others long afterward, but whatever decision is made a long the way, it is God who is ultimately judge and juror--that's why we have Christ as our attorney!
So I take a moment of silence for those who have unfortunately lost their lives staying with abusive partners as well as others who have been robbed of their lives, because someone told them not to get a divorce. I ask that God's grace and mercy be with those still alive who believe in Him and his son, Jesus Christ.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic.
Helpful resource: check out this article: Domestic Violence within the Church the Ugly Truth
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