Monday

When Abuser, Victim Thinks God Will Save a Bad Relationship

From walking down the aisle and accepting Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior to a wife/girlfriend praying and fasting that things will change in a bad relationship, the pair assume that God will give his blessing on something that was cursed over and over again by words the couple spoke over time.


Give place to the devil/Satan/Lucifer and what do you think you might get?  When darkness rules, you are bound to get anything!  Couples, who often fight physically, verbally or nonverbally, might come to the realization that they must stop.  They will find themselves at a cross roads in the relationship.  One of the paths will lead to peace while the other to hell and any other direction could possibly be more of the same.  For some couples, they know that first they need to stop the chaos for themselves.  They know that a mind, body and spirit has suffered long enough.  Then they reason they have to stop disputing for the sake of the following: children, job, material wealth/gain, etc.  For some, they will determine that faith must come into play and just maybe things might change.

"Dear Lord, help me, help my relationship.  I want to do better, I really do, but I also want you to change my partner.  You know how he/she is...please Lord, please!" - Victim


There are those "miracle" relationships, saved by nothing but the grace of God.  These bad relationships were the ones that no one believed would ever change, but did.  They were not the norm, they were exceptions.  What many don't know that in many of these relationships, physical abuse may have stopped, but controlling behavior, scars of negative words, and other things are still there as well as old triggers periodically resurface.  In other words, the relationship never reaches an apex where people are head over heels in love forever and always just because there was some degree of positive change that was experienced. 


Could one say that God's favor may have been put upon once turbulent relationships that got better in time?  Possibly.  But two people had to be in agreement to take faith steps to solve spiritual problems.  Basically, God met them half way in their journey to make past wrongs right.  This is achieved through belief in Jesus Christ, confession of sin and repentance.


Now sometimes, there is no God in sight in bad relationships.  No amount of prayer, church attendance, worship, laying on of hands, bible study, or anointing oil is going to mend any emotional, physical or spiritual damage as long as the person or couple is unwilling to change bad habits.  If the minister/leader/prayer partner advises the victim/believer/Christian to follow a plan that focuses on healing and getting one's self right first, some will circumvent the advice and focus on trying to get a partner saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled, and attending church regularly.  Their efforts typically create more problems than solve existing ones especially when God has not chosen one's abusive partner.  For instance, if the abuser doesn't truly feel what he has done over the years wrong and he continues to justify why he did XYZ, then he is unchanged.  If he believes that he still needs to be in control of his life, despite what biblical teachings and God's people counsel, then there is no progress spiritually or otherwise.  The rebellious man is left alone--his mind is left to whatever foolish thinking he comes up with.  Religious professionals would say that God has allowed the man's mind to go reprobate.  This is why some abusers don't change for the better.


For some victims, running to the church can make matters worse on the home-front if they know full well they have a jealous, insecure, and angry partner that gives them a hard time.  This is why many will not join churches, invite brothers and sisters in Christ to their homes, or work in the church.  It is difficult enough dealing with the devil at home, let alone all the issues that come with joining civic groups. 


As much as one might hope, wish, and pray for a sour relationship, just know that the same God who tells his chosen to come to him with their burdens is also the same one that will remove stumbling blocks.  Sometimes the prayer isn't for a couple to stay together, but to separate or come to an end.  It simply isn't meant for every couple who met way back when to remain together particularly when one or both are unwilling to put off evil ways, leave the sinful nature and become new creatures in Christ. 


Nicholl McGuire author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic 

No comments:

God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

Gadget

This content is not yet available over encrypted connections.

You might also like:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

VideoBar

This content is not yet available over encrypted connections.