Saturday

Vengeance is Mine - When the Victim Thinks Pay Back is a B&tch!

 Think: jail, think: you won't see your children, think: you will be deemed the crazy one.

Movies, books, and other media make revenge look so great, righteous, and rewarding, but the reality is there is nothing glamorous about hurting another individual.  When a partner stands before you with his or her verbal insults and then acts in a threatening manner, it can be quite difficult to restrain yourself.  But if you or someone else successfully beat the person down to a pulp, then what?

Envision when the police show up to your residence or workplace.  Notice the faces of your children or relatives, friends, neighbors, and others watch you walk away in handcuffs.  Place in your mind a mug shot of yourself floating around the Internet while strangers point and laugh.  Think about sitting in a cell with others and smelling all sorts of awful odors while your body develops an odor of its own as days go by and no one is interested in posting your bail.  Imagine being dressed in an ugly jumpsuit and standing before a judge while someone talks for you.  Meanwhile, the stranger has no idea what you have gone through being with an abuser and could care less about who you are--you are just another number, but a jury does care a whole lot about the blood that was found at the crime scene.

We have all had our encounters with someone we didn't like, but others have hated people to the point that they made good on their promises--they not only destroyed them, but their families as well as their own lives in the process.  After spending days, months, and even years pondering what one has done, eventually The Guilty will come to the conclusion he or she overreacted.  The victim turned murderer may never tell anyone this, "But I should have left while I had the chance.  What was wrong with me that dark day?"

The door is right before some of you victims who contemplate paying an abuser back from this morning or last night's tongue lashing or physical assault.  It is right there beckoning you to walk through it before the police open it.  The door is where freedom is!  I will tell you as the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, there wasn't a time that I didn't reflect on those opportunities I knew something bad was going to happen, and yet I didn't walk through the door when I had the chance.  I didn't make my exit, I stayed.  I reasoned that things would get better and they never did.  We grew to hate one another.  My abuser told me to my face he wanted me dead and proceeded to make good on his promise by wrapping his hands around my throat.  Later in life, I would meet another tongue wielding man who bored with women easily and when he wasn't in the mood to deal with me or them, he wasn't the least bit nice.  When he was being deceitful, he said downright mean things to me.  I was always feeling on edge and checking behind him--seeing if what he claimed was truth really was.  He had multiple communication devices that I didn't know about during years of marriage that he used to meet women.  He lied many times about not being interested in others and that I was all he wanted.  The rage was rising within me over time listening to his lies.  Rather than cause him bodily harm, I took my anger to a woman who drafted up my divorce papers.  It really came down to life or death.

So I caution those, who have been thinking over and over in their minds to pay a partner back, to do the kind of things that will end the relationship, not put yourself at risk of losing your life.  Consult wise counselors who can help you come up with an exit plan. I will tell you when it gets to a point that wish someone you once loved dead, it is time to get out like yesterday!


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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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