Saturday

Another Memorable Experience of Energy-sapping Arguments, Name-Calling and Wishing to Be Anywhere But with a Partner

You chose that person who you once thought was something special.  You have been with him or her long enough to know that you made a major error.  So you have been working for months or even years trying to make that person behave, be nice, be understanding, be your ideal mate...so how is that coming along?  You exhausted yet?  Nope.  Those who labor to love abusive partners won't admit they are tired to most people; instead keep going, going and going...

Meanwhile, hair is falling out due to stress, stomachs are often in knots, and throats are sore from yelling/crying.  In time, the pain shows up in one's body in places it has never been before, and each day that passes by one is getting older and older from over or under-eating, drinking too much, staying up late, taking drugs, etc.  Some abused, self-righteous men and women will focus on what they aren't doing like, taking drugs or doing those other things that "bad people" do, yet they are toxic in the way they react to others while carrying ugly thoughts that sometimes spill over into the laps of their abusers.  No one is perfect, immune or good when they stay committed to hot-tempered men and women who have a history of abuse and continue to emotionally, physically, sexually and/or spiritually abuse others.  In time, these victims become just as corrupt and miserable as their pessimistic partners as I have mentioned in other blog entries.

I have noticed the weary looks on women's faces and the angry appearance that men have when they no longer like, love or really want to be in their relationships.  Neither will say too much of anything about the other, but the false affection and the numerous photos of yesteryear that appear on sites like Facebook, are dead giveaways of hurting couples.  They promote themselves heavily trying to cover up the fact that they are deeply saddened and regret the decisions they have made with an abusive partner.  They treat "likes" as if they are stamps of approvals on staying with their troubled mates.  These victims entrap themselves in boxes they call "relationships" or "good marriages" while convincing their selves they can't get out, because of what this Scripture says, what their debts tell them, the conversations they had with wishful thinking counselors, and more.  "I can't leave...I don't know...Maybe staying is what is best...I really wish things would be different...I will keep praying."  Even God is asking, "Why do you pray if you refuse to listen to me?  I have given you a plan to exit.  You are not to grieve the Holy Spirit.  Your body is the temple.  So why do you abuse it?"  So the Great Healer allows men and women to suffer in their mess until they awaken to the truth.

The older we get, the less likely we will rid ourselves of the core (soul) that makes us tick whether good, bad or otherwise.  If a man or woman has a history of hurting partners, what makes a current mate think he or she is anymore special?  Abusers don't discriminate.  They might tell their victims things like, "I love you...You are the best...I would never hurt you...Forget about those others..."  But the truth is, prey isn't special, they are gullible and live in bubbles believing only what they want and rejecting anyone or anything that tells them any different. 

How many times does an argumentative partner have to reduce you down to nothing before you realize your mate is mentally troubled?  How many more times do you have to go in the next room for fear that this is the day that a partner is going to give you a beating of your life or worse shoot you?  What might life be like if he or she was no longer in your life?

Energy-sapping arguments that never lead to any resolve are a waste of time.  Threats to leave fall on deaf ears--abusers know that victims love everything from their penises to their household financial contributions too much to leave.  Wishing to be anywhere but where you are is like looking up into the sky and wishing upon a star.  Have you returned home yet curious Dorothy from Kansas or are you still skipping down that yellow brick road relying on the Wizard to help you?  Returning home (in the spiritual realm) does not mean where you grew up when you have reached what it appears like a dead end street in a miserable romance, but returning home is welcoming you back--that independent person you were before you became dependent on an abuser's love, attention, affection, etc.  Home is indeed where the heart is and it all starts with you not parents, grandparents, old friends, children, etc.  Your "home" should be protected, loved, appreciated, and free not controlled, abused, hated, and ignored.  Return home and turn from victim to survivor!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of "Say Goodbye to Dad" -- this is the root cause why many women end up with abusive and/or angry men in the first place.  They have poor relationships with their fathers.    

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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