Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

In a large living-room seated in front of a large screen are men, a few women and some children scattered about.  They are all watching the biggest game of the year.  In the kitchen, the drinks are pouring, the food is cooking, and the noise in each room is loud.  A woman with a head and backache makes her exit from the kitchen, she cries in a nearby bathroom.  The night before her husband kicked her and that morning he hit her in the head with a shoe.  He has been acting very tensed lately, the gambler has numerous bets on his team.  The men and women in the living-room are family and mutual friends, they don't have a clue about the victim's plight.  To them, she appears to be in a good relationship with that public sweet-talker, closet abuser. Most victims of emotional and physical abuse have learned how to play their roles when it comes to events like the Super Bowl.  This is another hol...

Childhood Triggers  was written based on true events.  This poem expresses the author's pain, shame, and other challenges as a result of growing up around a controlling relative.  History has a way of repeating itself if one's inner demons are never purged.

She heard the alarm clock.  There is no getting up out the bed quickly like other mornings before.  She slowly rolls over, the pain in her back, the soreness between legs, and the pressure in her head, the night before was rough. Why do I stay? The couple had been arguing, about what she didn't remember at least not at this moment.  Rubbing her back, she can only think of getting to the medicine cabinet to get some remedies for everything that is wrong with her: her back, her head, her vagina--everything hurts! "He's always angry," she thinks.  "Why do I feed into his nastiness!  Why do I always get hurt in the end?"  She looks at herself in the mirror, she didn't recall getting scratched.  "Where the hell did this come from?"  Markings on her neck as if she had been clawed by a woman with long fingernails.  She looks at her forehead.  Pulling back her bang, "What the f8ck!  Where did this knot come from?" As she sits on th...

"Let me finish...what was I saying...I forgot.  Are you going to let me talk?  You said that I could speak...why don't you let me finish!"  Frustrated beyond words, tears streaming down the young woman's face, she can't express her thoughts.  Her abuser has beaten her down mentally before she could make any more valid points.  Her words of truth stung him like a bee, the abusive man knew he was wrong in the way that he treated her, but he didn't want to hear it! "You're a crazy b&tch, you know that?  Why do I bother listening to you?  If only you could see what you look like right now!  Quit your crying, baby!  I don't know what I saw in you!  I worry about you... maybe you should see a doctor."  He takes no responsibility for driving her into an entangled web of confusion with his constant interruptions, name-calling, and more.  She keeps wanting to collect her thoughts, to explain some more, bu...

You may have started off the relationship as a good girl, but now you find yourself, at times, gone bad around a certain person.  As much as you would love to return to that good girl or guy you knew prior to meeting an abusive mate, you just can't at this time. An abusive mate is just not going to allow you to live a comfortable, free and happy lifestyle with him or her before this person is going to mess up things yet again!  Some abusive people will just not let anyone around them be happy or live peacefully.  So the old adage goes, Misery loves company, and negative people feel comfortable when they are in the presence of drama. A quiet lifestyle of routine that appears a bit boring is not the kind of atmosphere abusers want to be in. They don't enjoy laughing, singing, dancing, or being affectionate much.  They are often serious, withdrawn, cold, bitter, jealous, and resentful.  If you attempt to...

The "saved" abuser, self-righteous and others say, "God hates divorce...You shouldn't get remarried.  You're going to hell if you do.  Stick it out, pray about it.  What did you do to make him want to hurt you?" Whatever Satan will do to keep a victim under his or her rule, he will use--including spiritual people, places and things.  There are many abused Christian victims who wish they never brought abusers to church with them, because now the "saved" abusers are taking what they have learned from the Bible and beating them up with the holy scriptures! It wasn't enough to have to put up with the abuse from evil hands, but when one uses the word of God wickedly to get selfish desires met, it can be disheartening! (Check out Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic by Nicholl McGuire) The abuse tends to intensify when some couples (or just one) attends church services.  The name-calling, fault-find...

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: Lukewarm Christians - What does your relationship ...

From walking down the aisle and accepting Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior to a wife/girlfriend praying and fasting that things will change in a bad relationship, the pair assume that God will give his blessing on something that was cursed over and over again by words the couple spoke over time. Give place to the devil/Satan/Lucifer and what do you think you might get?  When darkness rules, you are bound to get anything!  Couples, who often fight physically, verbally or nonverbally, might come to the realization that they must stop.  They will find themselves at a cross roads in the relationship.  One of the paths will lead to peace while the other to hell and any other direction could possibly be more of the same.  For some couples, they know that first they need to stop the chaos for themselves.  They know that a mind, body and spirit has suffered long enough.  Then they reason they have to stop disputing for the sake of t...

Another question for a heavenly Creator, "Why, oh God, couldn't you have made this person I am with different!?  Why couldn't my partner just be a better friend and lover to me?" We will never know why some people can clearly see that a relationship is headed for a dead end, freedom is almost over, children are at risk of being taken away, a divorce is on the horizon, and yet they continue to behave in uncaring, mean and downright ugly ways! People, who are often mean to loved ones and others, rarely change.  Sometimes you hope  something might happen that will make them see the light, but to no avail.  When the writing is on the wall, you might as well read it, "There is no changing him/her, so stop trying." Some will persuade a mean partner to attend church with him or her, others will encourage the individual to do something fun, still others might plan vacations, buy gifts, or give the partner whatever he or she wants.  Yet, no matter what...

 Think: jail, think: you won't see your children, think: you will be deemed the crazy one. Movies, books, and other media make revenge look so great, righteous, and rewarding, but the reality is there is nothing glamorous about hurting another individual.  When a partner stands before you with his or her verbal insults and then acts in a threatening manner, it can be quite difficult to restrain yourself.  But if you or someone else successfully beat the person down to a pulp, then what? Envision when the police show up to your residence or workplace.  Notice the faces of your children or relatives, friends, neighbors, and others watch you walk away in handcuffs.  Place in your mind a mug shot of yourself floating around the Internet while strangers point and laugh.  Think about sitting in a cell with others and smelling all sorts of awful odors while your body develops an odor of its own as days go...

There is someone out in this world that wants to save the damsel in distress and the man who has grown to hate his wife/girlfriend as a result of being repeatedly abused by her.  The individual wants to be like Jesus and come and save the poor lost soul who chooses to remain in a verbally and physically challenging relationship. "Just come with me, I will take care of you.  I love you...no one will ever hurt you again.  He doesn't know what he is missing, he doesn't appreciate you, but I will.  You will never have to go through this again, I promise." The man or woman attempting to save the victim may mean well, but are these "saviors or Good Samaritans" willing to inherit the baggage that comes with one who has allowed his or herself to be abused for months or even years?  Will they fully understand just how deep one's emotions go when being in a relationship with a hot-tempered, controlling, or often jealous partner?  Nerves are o...

Domestic and dating violence victims face many issues.  Some are the obvious like:  being physically abused and emotionally scarred, but others not so telling.  Relationships with family members are affected as a result of abuse.  Jobs are either subpar or lost.  Education may come to a halt.  Future relationships are affected.  The list goes on.  Any form of abuse is going to have a domino affect on other areas of one's life.  If issues go unaddressed, the support system is lacking or absent, mental and physical health are not evaluated, the after affects of the abuse will be long lasting. I created a YouTube channel that deals with a variety of issues from a spiritual perspective.  I personally believe that if one is not healed spiritually, he or she isn't healed.  When an individual has no vision, can't see his or her purpose, lacks wisdom, an appreciation of self, and most of all an understandi...

From smoking far too many cigarettes to shooting up drugs, the victim has learned to cope in a miserable relationship by running to a world where one's own mind has no pain, obligations, or rules.  The human being just is.  Yet, in time substance abuse, like the devil, comes back to claim what it gave.  The body begins to fail, the worry and stresses of life return, and an abuser, who doesn't want to take any responsibility for abusing his or her partner, only complains and beats the victim up through words or fists yet again. "You can't hold your liquor, idiot.  Why do you take so many drugs?  You that miserable, b*tch!" Substance abuse comes in many forms.  Victims have redirected the abuse and placed it on to any pill, liquid, or other things that make him or her feel good.  However, being under the influence only makes the abuse worse and gives the abuser something to use against his or her victim later especially in f...

Negative words and images replay like a scratched up CD, the abused partner fights to keep fantasies of evil away.  He or she hates the sound of a partner's voice, the way he or she looks, and anything else connected with him or her.  The abusive man or woman was someone who the victim once loved, but not any more. The victim is in survival mode--seeking a way to get out of the controlling partner's maze of confusion.  The abuser's actions can no longer be forgiven.  There is an innate desire to see to it that the abusive individual experiences the pain that the victim has undergone for days, weeks or even years.  However, what good would that do?  Most abusers are walking vessels of pain anyway.  It wouldn't make much of a difference to plot revenge.  There are laws in place and many in jail as a result of taking matters in their own hands.  The focus on freedom is key, then justice will be served sooner or later...