Sometimes you're angry with all the reminders, cursing, and pouting that goes on over petty things. Other times you walk away to avoid an argument or physical fight, but that doesn't lessen the fear, worry or stress within, now does it? Some victims will calm their nerves with too much music, eating, exercise, many outings, excessive shopping, lots of cigarettes, alcohol, prescription medicines, and other things just to get through another day. Is staying with the hot-tempered, controlling man or woman really worth all this?
Depending on how long you have been with someone you will reason that, "I've put up with his sh*t all this time, so I might as well keep dealing with it. I love him. I want my children to have a father." This sounds encouraging to the victim, but when you think deeply about what has been said, it really is a selfish move. You are staying because of what you want, but aren't that concerned about how your abuse is affecting others around you. People in your circle are there when you need money, have to be understanding once again when you are tardy for work, are there to give you a ride, offer you a place to go, babysit your children, support you at the hospital, and more. But continued foolish decision making will cause support systems to unravel.
Selfishness of one parent who rather stay with an abuser than go, permit children to experience their share of long or short-term emotional abuse when having to watch and put up with mean-spirited parents. This is why many rather go to the furthest room in the house, visit someone else, or move away because they know that mom or dad isn't going anywhere and will continue to suffer through with the abuse. On the other hand, sons and daughters know they don't have to put up with certain things and so gradually the walls go up while the victim continues to ignore all signs that say, "Do something different. Create a plan and leave!"
Sometimes everyone is so badly abused in the home that there is no thought or energy to do anything more but take the abuser's angry outbursts. "He's just like that. I don't care...So what," victims say. One is used like a punching bag. Another makes excuses for him, and others go along with whatever evils just to get along. Doesn't this sound sick? Well it is done in many households where all sorts of abuse is currently taking place from economic abuse to sexual abuse. Parents will warn, scold, lie, and say other things to children in an attempt to quiet them, but sooner or later the truth comes out.
Nicholl McGuire author of Say Goodbye to Dad and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry