Violent men don't forget thinly veiled threats or bold ones during the heat of battle with their victims. Something that was said five, 10 or 15 years ago just might come back up again in conversation. They might have forgotten about those insulting names and the accusations their victims made about this b*tch and that one, but threats, those aren't easily forgotten. Sure, you might have thought all is well, forgive and forget with an abusive partner, but are you sure? "Remember when you said...Do you recall when you told me..." the abuser says. You think, "I forgot about that." Watch your back, wallet, children, pet, etc., my friend.
Every abusive man is different in the way he does battle especially as he gets older, but what doesn't change is the violent spirit within if he hasn't conquered his evil foe. The demon shows up every now and then when his eyes are blood shot, voice is raised, and veins are popped out of his forehead. If you have been with him long enough, the rage probably doesn't even scare you anymore and he probably knows it. Yet, the abuser will still have his reasons for why he had to go back to his ugly ways whether he verbally abuses you for something you forgot to do again or figures out a way to hurt you like you did him without getting out of his wheelchair. He ponders.
Be mindful that an abuser, in a weakened state of mind, can still be a threat. This isn't a time to rejoice because one notices that a mate isn't as big and bad as he use to be, if anything, one will want to stay guarded. You never know when the old man might return. Forgive if you sincerely believe there is a change in him, but don't forget. Abusive men's minds don't operate like most people. There is always a fight going on inside--a deep longing for power and control over others.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.