Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

You see yourself in the mirror, you sit down for a bite to eat, you talk on the phone, or you walk by your abuser on the way to the bathroom, and all you can think about is that thing he or she said or did to you the other night, two weeks ago, or a couple months back.  You think you are losing it, you attempt to shake the ugly scene(s), but it keeps coming back.  What to do? Well, the explosive arguments don't go away easily.  Depending on how impactful they were on your mind, body and spirit, they will interrupt your routines like a breaking news report during a favorite television program.  The best thing to do is to keep pushing these negative scenes out of your mind and think about something else like: goals to complete for the day, children that need your attention, work, house chores, etc.  There are various instrumental brainwave music that helps with relaxation, getting to sleep, breaking bad habits, and more.  Try spending some time each day meditating on some positive

This is a non-fiction book of spiritual wisdom, moving personal experiences, and awareness of issues that affect both sons and daughters who have had their share of daddy issues and are struggling to go low or no contact with these men.  The challenges of having a troubled father or guardian in or out of the home affect generations and if the pain of the past is left unaddressed, innocent people will suffer as a result. Many women and men end up in miserable relationships due to connecting with mates who remind them of toxic relatives.  Once these hurting individuals come to the realization that they have been negatively influenced, mentally and/or physically bound, and made to feel afraid for years by men, who claimed to love them, it is time to make needed changes. Let Say Goodbye to Dad   by Nicholl McGuire be yet another eye-opener to add to your life and help with your emotional, physical and spiritual journey toward being happy, carefree, and independent from the difficult

Do you really want to spend a beautiful time in a wonderful city you always wanted to go with your controlling partner?  Would you feel comfortable sharing your deepest secrets, your passions, your goals, and more with someone who has a history of turning everything positive you say into something negative? Watch your mouth those of you who have suffered much so far with these abusive types.  You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.  Just imagine going to that jaw-dropping country-side with your angry partner only to be arguing about the price of something and possibly being physically hurt in that location.  Those images that were once so sweet and innocent in your mind are no more when you start thinking of that location.  Years ago, I recalled a place where my abuser had yelled and called me many names.  It wasn't a special spot or some magical place I had dreamt of.  Yet, once I got out of that emotionally draining relationship, every time I passed that spot (for a

As strange as it may seem, many victims in relationships are envious of exes who are free from abusive partners.  The upset isn't about so much what the exe had with the former lover/friend/spouse, but the jealousy is also stimulated by the thoughts that these exes are no longer swindled, bamboozled, or hoodwinked by their former manipulators.  Yet, current partners are.  Their jealousy tends to come out in bizarre ways from the way they disrespect a partner's children to rages over unintentional mistakes.  Name-calling, bad-mouthing and more are done by victims behind the backs of abusers and former partners.  Sometimes there are no obvious reasons other than angry victims being trapped in their controlling mates' webs while their minds go crazy. I recall a moment where I met my abuser's ex-girlfriend and mother of his son and I had an odd feeling come over me.  When I look back, the woman was free--free from the nutcase I was with.  She didn't have to deal with

Screaming at you yet again for what appears to be no apparent reason, the fatherless son or daughter is in pain.  Pushing, shoving, kicking again wanting out of the box that reminds one of his or her abusive father.  So you thought you were over the grief when daddy died in your mind, body or externally? Those who have grieved their fathers in healthy ways did so by facing the facts that Dad just didn't love them in the way that they should have been loved.  They read books, attended counseling sessions and did other things to free their minds, bodies and other things tied to toxic fathers and enabling mothers.  So when the opportunity comes to date a fatherless son or daughter, with much emotional baggage, the unsuspecting just don't know what they are getting themselves into when they do.  Rather than deal with issues, some will avoid dating any longer, others will persuade themselves into continuing a troubled relationship while abusers will deal with problems by abusing

You chose that person who you once thought was something special.  You have been with him or her long enough to know that you made a major error.  So you have been working for months or even years trying to make that person behave, be nice, be understanding, be your ideal mate...so how is that coming along?  You exhausted yet?  Nope.  Those who labor to love abusive partners won't admit they are tired to most people; instead keep going, going and going... Meanwhile, hair is falling out due to stress, stomachs are often in knots, and throats are sore from yelling/crying.  In time, the pain shows up in one's body in places it has never been before, and each day that passes by one is getting older and older from over or under-eating, drinking too much, staying up late, taking drugs, etc.  Some abused, self-righteous men and women will focus on what they aren't doing like, taking drugs or doing those other things that "bad people" do, yet they are toxic in the way

Spend enough time with someone who enjoys telling others what to do and how to do it, and you will soon find that the individual isn't likable.  Teach the demanding a lesson or two, and of course he or she won't like it when you treat him or her the same way.  "Do this...do that...Put that there...You don't do it this way...Stop doing that...What do you think you're doing?"  Controlling partners don't ask, they command and when you don't properly do things, they grow increasingly frustrated with you and in some cases hysterical. I thought of this when I smelled bad odors emanating from more than a few self-absorbed people in my lifetime who enjoyed ridiculing others.  What nerve they had picking on the unsuspecting when they weren't the least bit attractive since getting older, weren't physically fit, and thought they were overall "good" or "nice" people.  Call domineering people out on their judgmental ways and they are

Years of being with someone controlling will wreck havoc on your mind, body and spirit.  You will find yourself just as controlling, miserable, and manipulative as the abusive person in your life.  I have witnessed this first hand and I will tell you that people under years of mind control are untrustworthy.  Somewhere within, they will always feel like they ought to protect, respect, and appreciate their abusers at least in front of others.  But behind closed doors is typically a different story.  Some of the same tactics used on them, victims will attempt to use on their abusers.  They become quite good at them, but they are never isolated to just using their devious ways on their controlling partners, they will use them on others too i.e.) children, friends, co-workers, etc. Some things that you or someone you know might need to be mindful of with these victims include: 1.  They will say one thing and do another.   Many victims will promise to do things but not follow through

Charmed into partnering with someone who claims he would treat you well, look after you, and more, but in time you realize that you aren't getting nearly half of what you are putting into the relationship.  You find yourself in love with the hope that things will get better and they do in short periods and then you are back to arguing, settling, crying, and wishing things would be different. Some of you know you should have left the relationship as soon as it began, but you took a deep sigh and plowed right on into anyway.  You made yourself believe your partner was The One.  You told everyone just how great he is and now you are expected to live out your fantasy with him, because you worry over what people might say.  But you don't have to.  You can admit to God, country and family, "I messed up."  Chances are those people around you already found your guy out and know full well he just isn't a match for you.  However, pride for many of you won't let you d

On an audio recording, I talk about someone who I call "Mr. Potential."  He is the guy that many women fall in love with knowing full well that he has far too many flaws to count, but they believe that he will change one day.  "If I just pray for this...I hope for that...buy him this...Just maybe he will change..." the victim tells herself after yet again being disrespected by her partner. After years being around male relatives and friends, who dare I say it were nothing more than trouble for their women, these players, pimps, hustlers, pretty boys, and similar guys with egos the size of their heads, rarely do change!  The victims are in love with the false images they have of their partners.  They see things only in the way they want and will fight anyone who shows them any different.  Sound the alarm in an attempt to help the gullible/brainwashed/controlled victims and they will turn on you like a snake.  Now I don't want any one reading this to think th

It is quite foolish for a hot-tempered man, who has repeatedly abused a woman with words and/or fists, to keep thinking that his wife/girlfriend still loves, likes, cares for him, etc. in the way that she once did when they first met.  Many of these victims look and feel unhappy.  They might have a support network, good jobs, and dress well, but when certain triggers arise within, the kind that will make the whole room go silent, the abusive man might want to think twice about closing his eyes at night. Some abusers don't realize that iron wears out that their girlfriends, lovers and wives are going to eventually do and say some things that will make these angry men worried, nervous and possibly scared.  When a man periodically hits a woman, often ignores her, or frequently says mean things to get under her skin, it would make sense for not only the victim to leave the relationship, but he too should plan an exit strategy sooner rather than later and before the police do the pla

No matter where we are in the world, someone somewhere is being abused.  Whether the abuse is subtle with the abuser wearing a devilish grin or bold where the angry partner is pushing and yelling, we know that people who go through much difficulty in their personal and professional lives are not the most pleasant people to be around. Sometimes we are unaware of what is really going on behind the luxurious lifestyles of those esteemed for what they have, who they know, and what they have done for others.  Some of those individuals who walk with such confident exteriors often feel small on the inside.  We often assume that it is the poor, broke and ugly that are abused, when the reality is that successful, beautiful men and women are abused too. I think of a time in my young life where I was quite popular and many people admired me for my talents and skills.  But during what should have been a great period in my life, behind closed doors, I experienced things like:  called names ove