5 Things You Need to Know About Abuse

You might be in an abusive relationship right now or you know someone who is.  Abuse doesn't always look like what we might think.

Sometimes people are in bad relationships for any number of reasons, but whatever they are doesn't mean that they are right!  Just because these people aren't getting beaten near death, doesn't mean they aren't getting abused.

Whether abuse is high on the pain scale or not, if someone is controlling another emotionally or physically, it is abusive!  For instance, if I were to give you a long list of demands and manipulate your life in such a way that you were following the beat of my drum (and only mine) then I am being controlling.  If you were to object and create your own beat and I told you not to and that there would be consequences, depending on your life experiences (like knowing someone in your family like me), in addition to what you thought of me (loved me, parent of our child, ride or die buddies, etc), you might go along with my programming.  To go on with this example, if you felt that what I was asking was not in the best interest of the family, then you would deem me as unreasonable, right?  Well, when an abuser is confronted on his or her wrongs and this person goes off like a volcano or acts in passive aggressive ways, then you have to know this person is training you to be who he or she wants you to be or else.  If you were to go against him or her, there would be dire consequences, because he or she trained you to dance to the beat of his or her drum.

Any healthy relationship between couples doesn't consist of emotional and physical demands, fighting and walking on eggshells just to appease a man or woman.  Healthy relationships are not filled with  name-calling, threatening, cheating, hitting, slapping, choking, shoving, beating, or doing anything else.  So whether the pain you experience from a partner is mild or horrific, abuse is abuse and no one experiencing this sort of thing in a relationship is better than the other!

1.  The pain, arguments, judgments, stares, lies, manipulations, and more of yesterday doesn't just suddenly go away.

A victim will want very badly to be happy, to get back to routines, and feel at peace, but there will always be something that will take him or her back to that time, and when this happens, pain, lies, anger, and more doesn't go anywhere.  Oftentimes, it takes years for people to get over abusive incidents.  So "get over it" sounding advice doesn't work very well with most victims.

2.  Some things the abused will never forgive and forget.

The abuser wishes for the victim to just move on, stop thinking about what happened recently or long ago.  The abused partner will continue thinking about relationship problems like listening to a CD with a scratch on it.  The thoughts will just keep playing and playing in his or her mind until the person finally figures out a way to free one's self mentally, physically and spiritually from the tie he or she has to the abuser/handler.  Freedom could come through a book, music, a relative, friend, a television show, a church visit, counseling session, or something else.

3.  Once you know the truth about someone or something, the relationship is never quite the same.

As much as some would like to reflect on the good ole' days, there not coming back in a once loving turned crazy relationship.  Now there will be some situations that might look and feel good, but for how long?  When the truth shows up in one's life, embrace it,  truth sets you free!  Take the key you have been given and use it to break free from a miserable, dead-end, and controlling relationship.

4.  Trust is something that just might take a lifetime, so if you have no patience for the highs and lows of one's temper, the side effects from the abuse, and other things, don't commit to loving and staying with a victim or an abuser.

Life is short and when one sees that efforts are just not working to make things right.  Step back, re-evaluate your methods, and make some changes.  (Victims might want to start working on an exit plan to rid his or herself of the abusive partner.)

5.  Know that, this too shall pass.

You or someone you know that has been abused will not always be sad, angry, depressed, or crazy. There will be good days.  Try to be a positive person that brings sunshine to the victim's life.  Note: this advice doesn't work if you are the abuser.  The victim just fakes appreciation because he or she has no choice unless the individual wants to get beaten down emotionally and physically yet again. Issues won't get that much better and remain that way until the abusive behavior stops permanently!

Nicholl McGuire share insightful wisdom on YouTube channel:  nmenterprise7

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.


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