Wednesday

When the Victim Can't See the Messy Relationship

A messy relationship is like walking into a room ignoring the piles of clothes on the floor, the overflowing trash can, the old food left on the dresser, and those things in the corner that was supposed to go back on the shelf...the one who is responsible for the mess no longer sees it.  He or she sits or lies down as if there is nothing wrong with the room.  The person doesn't smell the odors, see the dirty dishes, or notices the piles.  If you have a problem with the mess, the one it will simply shrug his or her shoulders and continue to use the space just as it is.  Now the unsightly room isn't a problem for some as long as the door stays closed.  But once the lingering odor hits the hallway, insects start showing up in other parts of the house, and visitors are coming over, the issues in that room become a household problem. 

This is what happens when one is in a messy relationship.  He or she doesn't see the ugliness that everyone else sees.  The one experiencing verbal or non-verbal abuse or physical violence doesn't feel that what he or she is going through is that bad.  The victim or even the abuser has reasoned, "I'm okay, I'll get to the mess..."  But he or she never does, so it festers.

One day someone is going to blow up and it will be then that the one enduring the most heartache and pain will suddenly awake.  Sometimes conversations aren't enough to motivate someone to change his or her circumstances.  Promises to help clean up begin to fall on deaf ears.  The drama in the relationship apparently hasn't reached the point of no return.  So the couple will continue to wallow in their mess!  They may be slowly losing their minds, increasing or decreasing in weight during their ordeal, emotionally and physically battered, and more, but until one or both say, "I quit!"  The mess in the relationship will not go anywhere, it will only get worse.

Nicholl McGuire, view her YouTube channel here.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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