Thursday

"It Was Her Fault He Hit Her" When Critics Blame the Victims

"If she hadn't jumped in his face, if he would have stopped yelling at her...if the two just walked away--none of this would have happened!" the critics always have their reasons as to why the woman or the man or both got what they deserved in an abusive relationship.  Some will even go so far to say, "I would have slapped and kicked her too!  He's lucky it wasn't me, I would have punched him so hard, he would have been seeing stars!  The two of them need both their butts beaten!"

While so many lips are on their "Should have, could have" rant, another woman and yet another is being abused.  For every incident that takes place, there is an individual or group blaming the victim afterward.  "This wouldn't have happened had she..." 

How can the mentally and/or physically sick, used and abused help herself? 

What can be done when tempers are flared, arms are swinging, and kids are crying?  Rarely does anyone run from a fight whether they have common sense or not.  You know that if you turn your back on an enemy, you just might be caught from behind.  Abusive situations typically happen suddenly--without notice you find yourself looking into the eyes of an evil person who will not hesitate to hurt or even kill you.  It becomes a kill or be killed situation.  Luckily, most people don't die in these situations, but plenty do.

There is no "blaming the victim" needed when people are trying to put their lives back together again after the abusive situation.  The angry father, crazy boyfriend, or resentful husband who loves to use threats and intimidation to get their ways will be the first to speak negatively about victims.  One of the worst mistakes a victim can make is to sit down and talk with people like this who have a known record for being disrespectful and/or abusive to mothers, girlfriends, sisters, wives, and any other females in the family.

These abusers or former ones will say things like:

"If you weren't with him in the first place, you wouldn't have had to worry about getting beat up.  I remember when I had to put a woman in her place for talking back to me." 

"You know you are good for running your mouth, it isn't any wonder he hit you.  If you would have yelled at me, I would have put you on your back too!  You always were the feisty type!  Maybe you will calm down now that this has happened."  

You see from the example of statements above, evil men have no remorse.  Most are uncaring and will not bother to help any victim when they have their own demons they are grappling with.  Now some just might offer assistance, but not until you have to sit through a long list of complaints, suggestions, criticisms, name-calling, and "why you do what you do" as if they are psychologists.

The true nature of the beast when it comes to domestic violence are not those who hit their victims (although they are guilty--don't get me wrong), but the ones who justify the evil.  The people who agree that being abused is okay when a victim says this and does that to her partner despite what led up to the violent incident.  These individuals who rationalize in their head that "she deserved it, look how she is with this one and that one..." are the ones who typically find themselves in a similar situation with daughters and sons or other loved ones. 

The person who is often very critical of others will find his or herself being humbled sooner or later.  Whether through a personal attack on his or her character or body and/or when someone dies close to them through an act of violence.  It will be then that critics would like for someone to care about them or their loved ones.  But there will be that one in the group who will say, "If he hadn't did what he did maybe he would still be alive today...if she would have stayed in her place, maybe none of this wouldn't have happened."  Remember, treat others, how you would want to be treated.

Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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