Thursday

College Students in the Dark When it Comes to Abusive Partners

The last thing that is on the mind of a college student is a violent boyfriend or girlfriend.  He or she is far too busy with studies and extracurricular activities to think about these things, right?  Wrong.  Abusive lovers know how to charm gullible, young people to make time for them.  The busy college student who may have once put up defenses, during a slow period, will eventually drop them letting the violent man or woman come into that student's life especially if he or she has a place off campus to live, money to assist with tuition and books, fun ideas to spend time, and a car they can drive sometimes. 

Parents, friends and others who notice someone new has come into the lives of  their loved ones should be watchful.  Looking for signs like: isolation, name-calling, controlling behavior (appearance, phone, friends), cheating, lying and more. 

There are often patterns with abusers.  Those who are in contact with the student should be listening carefully to his or her complaints about the new boyfriend or girlfriend and paying close attention to repeated behaviors that sound mean, weird, and abusive.  Also, when a student's grades drop, this is a clear indication that far too much time is being spent with the abusive (controlling) individual.  Most young people tend to move rather quickly into sexual relationships and cohabitation before realizing they have made a big mistake.  One must be careful talking about marriage and children, no matter how spiritual/religious you are, especially when relatives don't know the new boyfriend or girlfriend that well or his family and associations.  When it is clear that there are some things not quite right about your loved one, since meeting his or her partner, refrain from encouraging him or her to continue to date the potential abuser no matter how much material assets he or she has or who this person might know.

As much as everyone wants to be love and appreciated, in the abuser's world, he or she isn't interested in anything but receiving/taking/stealing.  Most often they have little respect for a lover or friend's time, tend to be selfish, covertly mean-spirited, and will refuse to go out of their way to help someone they claim to love. 

Many abusers don't get along with most relatives.  They usually don't do anything without expecting something in return.  Angry men and women tend to be jealous of other people's accomplishments so they will bad-mouth and ridicule those who are obviously doing better than they.  They also are not as caring as they appear to be about a lover's education, family issues, health concerns, etc.  This is when the cheating comes in if they feel that their sex supply might one day be cut off, they will look to someone else that will make time for them, do what they want (which may be perverted) and who might have less responsibilities and family issues.  A college student who was once focused on his or her studies will be easily distracted from goals when dealing with an abuser/cheater.

College is a great time for students and it shouldn't be threatened because of mentally disturbed people who want nothing more than to control others.

Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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