Nice, Caring, Patient, Understanding...Didn't Think Things Would Change

When someone walks into your life appearing to have all the character traits you desire in a mate, why wouldn't you pursue a relationship?  People, who criticize victims of abuse, forget the early stages that occur in a dating relationship.  If you sincerely felt that your life would be in danger messing around with someone crazy, you wouldn't get involve with them in the first place.  But as we, who have been in abusive relationships, have learned you can't judge a book by its cover.  Just because a person acts nice, caring, patient, and understanding doesn't mean that he or she really is.

Emotionally abusive, unforgiving, angry, violent, and jealous men and women typically do not show their true colors in relationships at least in the beginning.  They know that if they were to display every aspect of who they are early on, they would not get the benefits that come with dating someone.  So they work hard to be on their best behavior.  They want to make a good impression on their dates.  Therefore, they are going to act nice, smile brightly, ask how you are, and offer service.  Yet, when life's challenges start manifesting themselves in the form of disappointments, death, arguments, job loss, relocations, and more, the mask of kindness goes away and in some cases stays away.  There is rarely an "up day," so to speak, for miserable people. 

Take a look at some photos of relatives, friends and partners you might have.  Notice how often people smile in those photographs.  Some seem like you can never catch them genuinely smiling.  This is how it is when you live with someone who is emotionally and physically abusive.  Most days they don't smile (unless they find someone's misfortune, flaws or accident funny).  These men and women, who find feelings of negative emotions more comfortable than positive ones, are good actors and actresses in their youth, but in time the aging process reveals who they really are.  Older people don't like acting once they reach certain milestones in their lives, they feel comfortable showing off their arrogance, bitterness, prejudice, and evil ways without apologies.  Those closest to them suffer as a result until they break free.

For those in a relationship with someone who once was nice and kind, know that you are not alone.  Continue to pray, live your life, and know that although you may have been deceived in the past, blind eyes now see.  Your Creator will give you the peace you need one day--trust in Him, not man or woman.  If you have no belief in a supernatural God, surround yourself around positive people who do. 

Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.


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