Wednesday

When a Negative Partner Thinks the Worst of You - No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

They expect that you will behave like them.  They assume that you have a hidden agenda.  They believe that what you think, feel, or are going through is not as important or relevant as what they are experiencing.  A negative partner might wish you well in person, behind your back they hope you fail.

You might have demonstrated your love for family, bought gifts, kept the home clean and organized, did what a partner asked concerning his or her side of the family and more, but it is never good enough.  Old offenses come up during disputes.  What you thought was squashed, over with, and irrelevant is now drama for today.  You attempt to bring peace to the situation and move on.  You might do some extra special things to appease the negative man or woman in your life, but no good deed goes unpunished.

"I didn't ask for that.  You didn't have to buy this.  I could have got that myself.  Why did you cook that, I wanted this?  I don't like my things over there.  When will you be helping me with...I thought that was the plan.  You don't need to talk for me.  No helping out my family and friends, they can call me."

What you thought was a kind act, by the time a negative spouse or partner finds out about it, analyzes what you did, and serves it back to you, there is crying, fighting, and slamming doors.

"I really wish things could be different.  Why blow up on me?  All I was trying to do was help!  What's up with him?  Why is she always on my back?  I'm not spending another penny on his broke...She is so ungrateful.  I really wish I never met him!"

Chances are the negative man or woman in your life was that way with others.  If his or her family was honest, they would say, "We all had problems with her/him too.  Your spouse was never appreciative--always critical from the time he/she was a kid.  At one time, I really didn't like my son/daughter much."

Take heed to what people are saying and not saying when they have disputes with that man or woman you claim to love.  They are trying to tell you something.  Years ago, my mother told me when I was in a violent relationship, "You can't buy love.  That man is not going to change."  Another time my grandmother said, "He has a dark side.  Why are you with him?  You are smarter than that.  You can't buy his love.  Leave that man alone."

Some eventually listen after much turmoil, I did.  But then later, if we aren't too careful, we end up doing what we always done hoping to get different results with similar kinds of people--it doesn't work.  No good deed goes unpunished especially when in relationships and friendships with negative people.

If you stay, expect to be emotionally wounded periodically by that one who always has some kind of problem with you.  Take a deep breath, learn to get used to it, and detach yourself emotionally from him or her.  Eventually you will find that you no longer desire to be physically intimate with the troubled individual or the sex won't be as good as it once was or infrequent.  If you are thinking about breaking up, gradually cut off all the gift-giving and time spent with the individual.  Why invest in something that you know isn't going to last.  Save your money and value your time better getting your mind, body and spirit together through the process.  If you are on your way out the door, congratulations!  But don't look back, too often men and women do this and end up right back into a mess they would like to believe is a relationship.

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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