Thursday

When is the Final Straw? Establish Boundaries and Keep Them

Over 20 years later and the abused woman finally got the nerve to call the police and take out a Protection From Abuse (PFA) with local law enforcement.  Some would ask, "Why did she wait so long?"  Since everyone is different, their tolerance for pain is also different too.  She had her reasons and whatever they might have been, we should rejoice in the fact that another victim is now free!

It might only take one slap for you to wake up and leave an abuser, but for someone else over a 100 plus hits for he or she to come to the realization that the relationship is finally over.  As human beings, we have a strange way of reasoning what love is or isn't especially when you have grown quite accustomed to the way a controlling lover/partner operates and have a long history of controlling family members around you.

I think of the many hurt women and men who just haven't reached the point of no return when it comes to being in miserable relationships.  Their staying with partners, who are obviously no good for them, will have an expiration date sooner or later, dead or alive.  However, bad-mouthing, yelling, pressuring, or joining a church or other support group won't make some move any faster toward an exit plan.  As long as the bills are being paid, roofs are over heads, and food in bellies, most victims aren't going anywhere anytime too soon.

It takes much thought, planning, and motivation to get up and get gone out of a bad relationship.  Those of us, who have divorced, been abused, and moved away from controlling individuals know it isn't easy.  The process is long and the money and patience required is much.  Family and friends aren't always supportive, timing isn't always good, and abusers can be very tricky when it comes to keeping their victims near.  They can act very kind and loving in the public and be quite evil behind closed doors.

A victim who has one foot out the door and one in the bad relationship will have to determine what might be the last straw.  What will it take to finally be released mentally, physically and spiritually from an abuser?  For some women they say the day they knew it was time to go was when their angry partners started abusing children.  Others claim they knew they had to end relationships when they contracted a sexually transmitted disease, lost wealth, couldn't keep a job, or was beaten so bad they couldn't walk or talk.  Whatever the breaking point, a victim must create boundaries and stick to them.

There is no going back when an abuser once again hurts a victim, but too often men and women will violate what they promise themselves they won't do.  They will go back again and again while hoping for the best.  But hope doesn't keep one out of the hospital, jail, or grave when an abusive man or woman is determined to have a victim do as he or she says or else.

Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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