Saturday

You Think Your Abusive Partner is Misunderstood By Everyone But You

He yells, cries, lies, curses, and you forgive him.  He tells you that he has had a hard life that no one understands.  He says, "I love you, thank you for being in my life...for putting up with me." and so you wear his statements like badges of honor.  "Oh, honey.  You can trust me.  I love you too...we will get through this together...I get you--even if no one else does, I get you."  No you don't.  You think you do, but you don't.  Self-deception will get you hurt.

I am Nicholl McGuire, the creator of this blog and the self-published author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  Never in a thousand years does anyone truly know a human made of mind, body and spirit.  No matter how many classes you take, degrees you receive, and how much time you spend with a subject, you never truly get them!  Of course, there are professionals who can describe one's personality, every now and again predict an abuser's next move, and may even forecast his or her fate.  But the professionals, as well as loved ones, don't truly know an angry man or woman's mindset like they believe.  One's disturbed mind hasn't a clue the desires of one's heart.  This is why some will say after a murder, "I never thought he would have...did anyone notice the signs?  He was so nice, friendly and a church-goer, how could he do such a thing?" 

A fragmented soul is so far from his Creator. The Bible warns us of hypocrites, pretenders of the faith.  One thing a Good Samaritan can do for the violent is direct his spirit back to the one who gave him life.  In other words, say a silent prayer, then walk away, let me repeat, then walk away!

Yet, the one who wants to play God in the violent man or woman's life, will take risks anyway.  Before long, the person is cheated on, threatened, cursed, robbed of wealth, ignored, spat upon, beaten, kicked--treated like a dog.  "I just wanted to help...I really loved him...I thought he had changed," the victim cries.  Well he hadn't.  Years of abuse in his own life doesn't change anything.  But what if he wasn't abused?  What if he had a decent life growing up?  Then he is mentally sick, not everyone was born emotionally stable and those who were born "okay" don't always stay that way.  What can one do for someone like this?  Once again, pray and guide him away from you.  Find safety in your storm.  The focus shouldn't be on staying together, but protecting you and children.  The help is out there, but the one who thinks he or she can save everyone doesn't look to external help, because he or she is equally controlling, selfish, rude, bitter, arrogant, or mentally disturbed just like the angry mate in his or her life. 

The depressed and stressed women and men in these turbulent relationships that are like this, "Today we get along and tomorrow we hate one another," falsely believe that every ex-partner just doesn't understand us, "...but we do."  Exs are exs for good reason and not evey ex was "crazy" like some of these violent individuals would have you to believe.  People can drive others crazy in arguments, but it doesn't mean that they are mentally troubled for always.  Consider this, exs are free, but what about you?  Exs go on with their lives?  But what about you?  Exs are much happier than the people who have inherited their troubles.  So don't believe the lies, cover ups and exaggerations of a controlling, bad-tempered man or woman about his or her ex--you do have eyes, see things for what they really are!  The ex got the hell out of that emotional roller coaster ride of a relationship!

So to those women and men who think that they are "the prize" for being with an emotionally unstable individual who just so happens to look good or have a large bank account, know that you inherited nothing more than a time bomb waiting to explode.  He or she may not hurt you this month or six months from now, but sooner or later his or her violent side will be triggered and when it does, look out!  Family members and friends, who truly care about you, see the man or woman without rose colored glasses and warn you.  Why defend what you know to be true?  Forget who's right and who's wrong and do something about your situation.  Don't wait for someone else to save your life (like I did), save your own!  Forgive yourself for being with an emotionally and/or physically abusive person.  Create an exit plan, and then move on with your life.  Freedom never looked so good! 

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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