But I Love Him...

You may have heard a relative, friend or even yourself say, "But I love him..." when someone points out something wrong in your relationship and encourages you to break up with your partner. Usually people who say, "but I love him..." are really saying, "but I don't want to hurt his feelings or mine." You see, people like to put off pain for as long as they can. Sure, the girlfriend may have an abusive partner, and yes she is in plenty enough pain physically, but emotional pain is something different. If you are a mother you know that the physical pain you experience during childbirth is nothing compared to the emotional pain you feel when someone close to you dies. At least with childbirth, you have a chance to catch your breath between contractions, but when someone dies that ache lasts for some their entire lifetime!

So when the abused woman says, "But I love him..." she isn't ready to let go, because to let go means that she will have to start training her heart and mind to let go of him too, something that takes hard work to do. You see, in her mind she has to awake each day and realize that she is starting a new day by herself. There is no one around that will argue and fight her. There is no one to be concerned about outside of herself and that scares her. Some people rather deal with drama then be alone. For them they grew up with drama and to live without it, tells them that something is wrong in their life. This is what a twisted childhood will do for you, entangle your common sense. Make you feel that what is good is bad and what is bad is good.

The only thing that anyone can do for an abused woman who still loves her man is to sit back and watch the movie. No matter what you say, she can't help how she feels at least not yet. For some abused women, they have to find something in their life that they love more than him. The day that she finds it and he denies her that thing, is the day that she will make up in her mind he isn't worth it. Whatever that thing is it could be a pair of panties or a high-paying job that she really wants and if that abusive man challenges her about it and she has it in her heart that she wants it, he better be ready for a fight! If she hadn't been hitting him before, she will start now! "All I wanted was to use the credit card to buy a pair of panties and you wouldn't let me do that! All I needed was to go on the interview and I know I would have been hired, but you had to keep me from the only thing I wanted!"

When you or your abused relative or friend makes up in her mind that she is so much better than the situation she is in, she will walk. The seeds of doubt regarding her relationship, the idea of escape, and the reminders of love that you and others gave her is sufficient, now all she needs to do is act like the man in the Bible who Jesus told to "Get up and walk!" That should be the prayer you pay for your friend, "Dear God speak to (NAME) right now! Tell her to walk out the relationship. Protect her from all harm and danger. Give her the strength to fight if necessary. Remind her of what her family and friends have been telling her and give her the confidence and courage she needs to stand on her own two feet in Jesus name Amen.