Saturday

It's Such a Happy Father's Day for Some Families But Not All

Happy Father's Day should be reserved for the man who is actually the kind of dad that isn't abusive toward his family.  Yet, men everywhere who are fathers whether good or not are told the statement due to the holiday.  There is a father, stepfather, father-in-law or spiritual father that is either going to get an insincere acknowledgment out of fear from children, "Thanks Dad" or a pass on all the pleasantries on that day from disappointed relatives.

An abusive father knows that what he does for his household compared to the grief he caused his family via power and control is why he might not be appreciated, liked or even loved.  At times abusive men truly feel guilt, shame, and disappointment especially during holidays when other men are reverenced but not them.  What's worse they will project their pain on to the ones in the dwelling for not making them feel good whether overtly or covertly.  That's why one who knows that someone is living with an abusive man should think twice about making references to holidays and demanding that the family spend time with kin.  People on the outside looking in just don't know how much a family has to put up with when a man is down on his luck, acting difficult, jealous of others, feels like his back is up against the wall, and may like to drink much or use drugs.

Many victims grew up with dysfunctional dads while others didn't get to experience a father figure and so both are attracted to men similar to their own fathers.  Stories may have been told of dad being controlling, manipulative, mean-spirited, bitter, a cheat, etc. and for those who witnessed such behavior as children, a partner like this is all-too-familiar and for some this is why they stay, there programming is wrong.  They learned that abuse is tolerable and falsely believe that things will get better, "If I do this...say that..."

Children are sometimes forced to give dad presents or else.  "It's father's day, tell your dad you are grateful, show him some love...don't act like that, your dad loves you," says a brainwashed mother.

Kids are used like pawns in order to get a father to meet household demands he may not have wanted to do initially, but who can say, "No" to a sweet child?  Abusive men can.  They can be cold, calculating, and discerning when mom is putting children up to doing something for her and/or the family.  "So you all are treating me so nice because of a d&mn holiday?  You know full well, I don't do holidays--I could care less!"

If you have experienced such behavior mentioned in this blog from a father or suspect a loved one is in a controlling relationship, understand there is little that you can do.  Until a mother makes up in her mind to leave or get law enforcement involved to deal with the abusive man in her life, she and children will continue to suffer even on Father's Day.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books on this site.  Do check them out.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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