Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

The day that you make up in your mind that you will no longer put up with an emotionally or physically abusive partner , is the day that you are headed toward peace of mind. You are now ready to focus on your future without the controlling individual dominating every aspect of your mind.  It can be challenging to plan for the day you are officially free from an abuser , but you can do it!  Encourage yourself!  Take baby steps toward independence and don't allow anyone or anything to discourage you in your quest to break free from toxic programming. Survivors , who were once victims, recognized just how brainwashed they were in their past miserable relationships of power and control.  Abusers bully their victims.  They make promises sometimes keeping them, other times breaking them.  They dominate their lives with their demands.  The longer you stay, the more they keep you under their thumb. Expecting someone or a group to rescue you from the clutches of an abusive person just

With so much going on in people's personal lives, you would think people in our nation wouldn't be living longer due to so much stress they are experiencing.  Yet they survive and with some, barely. Men and women going through much trial, cover up their personal woes with laughs, nods, winks, eye-catching attire, expensive automobiles, and fabulous homes.  But those of us who have been mistreated recognize those who are going through much.  We can see through the smoke and mirrors.  Delusional people lie to themselves and others about what is really going on at home and caution children, "Don't tell or else..." The eyes don't lie and yesteryear's bruises tell dark stories on victims' faces.  An abusive spouse or partner rarely admits that he or she is wrong when battles increase.  He or she may have once apologized almost immediately after an offense, but in time admitting to one's faults becomes a rare thing to do.  The mean-spirited partner h

Menstruation, peri-menopause, menopause, PMDD, pregnancy, ulcers, clotting, depression, etc., women have their health woes and abusive men who are short on patience, selfish, and lack empathy don't take the news well about their spouses or partners' health "issues" especially when sex is impacted. (Please keep this in mind for those of you who counsel and treat women). It doesn't matter how often these couples have sex or not, men who are angry for any number of reasons only become more irritated when women complain of cramps or heavy bleeding, are not able to assist them physically with household projects, errands, or business due to a variety of challenging symptoms, and have their share of the blues mentally and are not interested in being intimate. Selfish partners will grumble, complain, ignore, or reject women even when they are trying their best to be attentive.  There is either very little or no communication because their controlling spouses are pouti

Happy Father's Day should be reserved for the man who is actually the kind of dad that isn't abusive toward his family.  Yet, men everywhere who are fathers whether good or not are told the statement due to the holiday.  There is a father, stepfather, father-in-law or spiritual father that is either going to get an insincere acknowledgment out of fear from children, "Thanks Dad" or a pass on all the pleasantries on that day from disappointed relatives. An abusive father knows that what he does for his household compared to the grief he caused his family via power and control is why he might not be appreciated, liked or even loved.  At times abusive men truly feel guilt, shame, and disappointment especially during holidays when other men are reverenced but not them.  What's worse they will project their pain on to the ones in the dwelling for not making them feel good whether overtly or covertly.  That's why one who knows that someone is living with an abusiv

There is a big lie that one likes to tell his or herself long after the abusive behavior about a partner has been discovered and that is, "I didn't know my partner was abusive."  Yet, one knows now!  If you have been in a relationship for any significant time, you learned the truth, but you refused to accept it. You knew the day the abusive mate called you out of your name. You knew when you caught him or her in repeated lies and when you confronted your partner, you were intimidated, threatened, and wondered whether he or she was going to hit you. You knew when he or she acted controlling with you, the children, finances, time you spent with others, and where you went. You knew when he or she expected you to report back like a soldier checking in with a sergeant. You knew when your relatives and friends noticed something they didn't like about your love interest early on and you attempted to persuade them to think differently. You knew when the hair on your

Let's have a reality check with self, shall we?  How much have you given up for a partner lately?  Many emotionally or physically abused women and men will give up much to maintain an unhealthy relationship even though they don't believe that is what they are in.  They will keep a partner around while later regretting much for having made some serious sacrifices in their personal or professional lives.  So let's examine the lifestyle we had prior to meeting current partners whether we are in functional or dysfunctional relationships.  It doesn't matter how long ago it was that you met a partner, your emotional and physical health may be for the better or for the worse as a result.  Notice similar choices and sacrifices you made in this relationship and compare with others.  The information you uncover about you and others might be so troubling that you may want to sit down with a licensed counselor or meet with a pastor or support group for healing. Sometimes we ove

Recently, you may have received some news that an emotionally and/or physically abusive mate no longer wants to be committed to you.  Although you may have handled the news well in front of his or her face, inside you feel like dying.  The heartache, stomachache and headache you may have experienced or are still experiencing seems like it will never leave.  However, there is hope!  It may take some time to see the sun in your life, but eventually you will see it and it will shine down on you.  Storms never last for always.  The following suggestions are listed to help you heal through the break up. 1) Escape the past. You created memories with your former mate when you visited certain places, listened to favorite songs, and introduced them to the people that you loved.  However, it is time to give yourself the freedom from those past images, places, and people for a time until you are mentally strong to handle memories that will come upon your mind and possible negative comme

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