Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

An angry, troubled, or mean-spirited partner isn't going to change as long as you enable him or her and neither are you.  How long will you keep loving a screwed up person while sacrificing the love you have for yourself? A victim who has been hurt so much by a partner (and others) is going to eventually withdraw affection in a relationship. How many times does one think you can keep hollering, name-calling, lying, shoving, threatening, and more and the good times are going to keep on rolling? When laboring to love someone, you eventually burn out.  You start to recognize you aren't smiling or laughing like you use to around the individual.  You discover that you can be happy without him or her.  You enjoy life the way God intended as long as the trouble-making, energy sapping person is not around you. Relationships are hard work, but worse with mean, crazy-making people.  These partnerships are mentally and physically demanding with controlling, hot-temp...

Over 20 years later and the abused woman finally got the nerve to call the police and take out a Protection From Abuse (PFA) with local law enforcement.  Some would ask, "Why did she wait so long?"  Since everyone is different, their tolerance for pain is also different too.  She had her reasons and whatever they might have been, we should rejoice in the fact that another victim is now free! It might only take one slap for you to wake up and leave an abuser, but for someone else over a 100 plus hits for he or she to come to the realization that the relationship is finally over.  As human beings, we have a strange way of reasoning what love is or isn't especially when you have grown quite accustomed to the way a controlling lover/partner operates and have a long history of controlling family members around you. I think of the many hurt women and men who just haven't reached the point of no return when it comes to being in miserable relationships.  Their stay...

They expect that you will behave like them.  They assume that you have a hidden agenda.  They believe that what you think, feel, or are going through is not as important or relevant as what they are experiencing.  A negative partner might wish you well in person, behind your back they hope you fail. You might have demonstrated your love for family, bought gifts, kept the home clean and organized, did what a partner asked concerning his or her side of the family and more, but it is never good enough.  Old offenses come up during disputes.  What you thought was squashed, over with, and irrelevant is now drama for today.  You attempt to bring peace to the situation and move on.  You might do some extra special things to appease the negative man or woman in your life, but no good deed goes unpunished. "I didn't ask for that.  You didn't have to buy this.  I could have got that myself.  Why did you cook that, I wanted this?  I don't...

So you have something you are just dying to tell your emotionally unstable mate. You really want to make the man or woman you love a buddy today.  So you think you can make a connection with him or her like you once did (back when days were good in your relationship), so here goes, "Guess what I heard today...I just wanted to tell you that...I know something you don't know...You will never guess who I ran into...I received a phone call from..." You think a nice story about the opposite sex (whether relative or not) will go over well with your insecure partner who just looks at you faking interest in what you have to say.  You assume sharing subject matter that should have been kept to yourself won't cause an argument.  "Well Tina said...and I thought maybe Barry would have..."  So you chat and chat while your partner nods, listens, adds a funny comment or two, or stares off into space.  You walk away thinking, "Well that wasn't bad.  I guess thin...

What does it feel like for some women to love their men more than they love themselves?  Well, if we look around we can see what these ladies look like compared to those who are selfish.  Hair isn't always kept up.  Clothes are a bit outdated.  Bodies are not as fit as they once were (if ever).  Car dirty.  Yet, their men are the total opposite.  They look and smell good, thanks to the special ladies who buy and maintain the love in a loveless relationship. The women who worship the ground that their men walk on usually don't look as good or better than their men.  Take for instance a relative or friend that you know who has been in a troubled relationship for years.  Notice how she looked when she was in love, now compare that to how she looks since the arguing, fussing and fighting showed up in the relationship. Many hurt women are simply lovesick over their men.  It isn't the kind of "love" feeling that is like the early days of ...

Whether you have been abused or are going through a challenging relationship, if there is anything that can drive anyone crazy is when one's partner lacks empathy. There are couples in this world, believe it or not, who sincerely care deeply about one another's hardships.  They attempt to ease each other's pain as much as possible.  "What can I do for you honey?  What do you need?  Let me hold you...I understand.  We will get through this..."  You will not only hear the sincerity in their voices, but notice just how genuine they are by their actions.  They treat you a bit differently than they typically do.  There is minimal disagreements.  Words are carefully chosen.  Needed space is given.  "I am here when you need me..." the kind gentleman or woman says.  But often angry, emotionally disturbed, or simply rude partners aren't making any adjustments in their personalities and will not be accommodating or understanding no ma...