Thursday

My Partner Hates Me I Know It - When the Abuser Loves No One

An abuser puts on a good show in front of family and friends, "I love her...I wouldn't know where I would be if it wasn't for him...I want our family to be close...I don't want my babe to leave!"  But the truth is, a mean-spirited man or woman really loves no one-- not even his or her self.  He may buy nice things for himself sometimes.  She might plan a great trip and be on her best behavior for a moment.  These hateful people may even surprise relatives with a gift every now and then.  But an angry man or woman with overt or covert hate, loves no one!  Who has room to love when he or she is often angry, bitter, resentful, and feels rejected?

A difficult personality is a challenge to live with and you can't help but think at times, "This person really hates me."  You take all of their burdens and place them on your shoulders rather than giving to their Creator to fix while working on you such as asking yourself, "Now why did I get myself involved with this person in the first place?  Is he or she adding anything worthwhile to my life?"

From glares from the hateful individual to an open-handed smack across your body for no apparent reason, you are wondering what is going on with this person, you can't do anything right!  Loving an angry person who is verbally and physically abusive isn't right or wrong, but allowing the individual to keep hurting you is!  What will it take for you to come to the point of no return?  A severe beating?  Cheating?  Your partner spending up all your money or maybe he or she bringing someone into your bedroom and you catching the two in the act? 

For some victims of verbal and physical abuse, it took something crazy to happen for them to finally realize that love isn't what they were experiencing the whole time they were in a relationship with a threatening person, but fear, worry and stress.  A sexual experience does nothing more than mask what is really going on in the relationship, but it doesn't reinforce love, commitment, trust, etc.  Sex has a way of making an already challenging situation worse!  Emotions are flying, hormones are raging, and the desire to make things work is temporal until the next negative word comes out of a lover's mouth.

How do you know your partner hates you and loves no one?

1.  The abuser is often using his mouth to hurt you and badmouth others.
2.  He or she is cold-hearted and nonchalant when it comes to your feelings and others.
3.  The individual doesn't bother to assist you when you need his or her help.  For instance, the person doesn't go out of his or her way to pick you up when you need a ride or help you when you are unable to cook or clean for yourself without giving you much attitude or even blaming you for inconveniencing him or her.
4.  This person often talks negatively about you to others and will blatantly disrespect you publicly if you should disagree with him or her.
5.  Your partner lies, cover-ups, or exaggerates stories to keep you from knowing the truth in situations where you suspect he or she is up to no good.  This person makes insincere apologies or none at all for his or her bad behavior.
6.  The abuser doesn't bother to do anything healthy to make his or herself look or smell better unless he or she is trying to make a temporal impression to get something like:  a job, sex from someone, money, opportunity, etc.

If you notice that you or your abuser is falling into a routine where one or the other is doing some things that are making others dislike you, check yourself.  Chances are the negativity and hatred you are experiencing in your relationship is rubbing off on you or that person.  Find ways to make yourself happy until you are ready to leave for good.  In the meantime, focus on giving and receiving love to yourself and others even in the most challenging circumstance.  Learn to distance yourself from hate not re-create it.  Talk with a trusted friend, an attorney, and/or law enforcement if you feel your safety is at risk.

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and offers spiritual insight and encouragement on YouTube, see here.
 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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