Wednesday

Mama Didn't Raise Any Punks - On Leaving the Abuser

After the scratches, the choking, and the incidents with the pillow where he attempted to smother me,  I had to find that place in my mind that I had before I met him, "I'm better than this!  There is no way I would ever let a man hurt me!"  It didn't take long (but long enough--nine months) before I got the courage to start distancing myself away from that ugly man!

The professionals were right, it was going to take multiple attempts to leave until I stayed away from him for good.  Even when I successfully left, I still had a yearning to want to be with that abusive man for some months afterward.  I had gotten use to the fighting, lying, cursing, sexing, and the promises that he wouldn't act up again. 

If you have ever been with someone abusive, you know how it feels to want to love and be loved and you tell yourself, "It will get better, I know it."  For a little while it does, until a hit, choke, slap, or threat returns and you are back to square one wishing to leave yet again! 

You might have experienced that need to solve your abuser's problems and to be a better you in the process.  But the more you try, the more you fall backward into a pit of hell on earth.  You worry about where he goes, what he does, who he is with and you tell yourself, "Why can't he do right by me?  Why can't we make it?  I'll be d*mned he makes it work with some b*tch!"  Instead of acting like this, one should be thinking, "I hope he does find someone, so he will no longer be my headache."  Then let that mean man go! 

The plan to leave has to be one that will send a message to all, "I am truly done with my abuser!  I mean it, I am done...there is nothing he/she can say or do that will bring me back into their web of pain."  So what must you do? 

Start with the little things--those issues that will empower you while at the same time free you from the abuser's grip.  You share items, stop sharing.  You live  or visit frequently this person, cut back.  Spend your time elsewhere.  You call this person and tell them about your life, don't.  You help this person, start saying, "No."  Of course, you can't do everything all at once if you still feel for the person, otherwise you might find yourself overwhelmed.  You also don't want to bring anymore drama to yourself so soon after the last blow-up, do think about your safety.  But you have to do something!  Running your lips doesn't count.  Giving people a bad a#$ speech about how you are not going to take this and that from him anymore means nothing!  Put action behind your words and be sure you have the support from law enforcement, family, friends, recording devices, you name it!  You are battling your abuser for your life!  You have to be the one to let that angry person know that you value yourself without opening your mouth.

I recall when I heard someone say, "Mama didn't raise any punks!"  A punk is a coward, he or she will not fight for his or her life.  When the drama comes, a scared person will permit a bully to beat them down.  I am alive today, because my mama didn't raise any punk, I thank God for his strength to get me out before he took my life!  My friend, He will do the same for you if you trust in Him!

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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