Friday

Crazy Partners, Excuses and Peace

Making excuses for someone cursing at you in the public, beating you for yelling, or keeping something that is yours because he or she is trying to teach you a lesson--whatever the abuser is doing to upset your world is just wrong!  Most of us understand this (those who are free from bad relationships,) but those who are still laboring to love an abusive mate, don't get the lesson until they hit rock bottom like a drunk.  He or she will have to lose everything before one can experience true, lasting freedom!

There are no excuses for men or women who are out of their minds--none!  The best place for them is in a doctor's office, mental ward, jail cell, or on a deserted island.  Substance abuse will bring out the worse in anyone, and for some, they never snap back.  Crazy comes and never goes!

Yet, the loving, sweet, patient, long-suffering partner, who wishes that his or her God will come and heal a mentally troubled person, will self-deceive while hoping relatives, friends and co-workers will go along with any story that comes out of his or her mouth.  There comes a point in the roller coaster relationship that the blind leads the blind.  Crazy tries to reason with crazy while attempting to recruit others to support him or her in their mess.  Any person with common sense will not go along with a relationship full of cheating, yelling, cursing, lying, stealing, belittling, abusing, controlling, or any thing that looks similar especially when children are involved.  Therefore, the one that is being abused will attempt to sugarcoat his or her abuser--making the individual appear like he or she is "okay, alright and we have problems just like everyone else" when in fact there is nothing okay about being in a relationship where you have to walk on eggshells, hide things, or isolate yourself just to keep the peace!

Victims who have been repeatedly abused have all sorts of personalities that work on their behalf.  There is typically the one who fights anyone and everyone who challenges them.  Then there is the one who just wants to be loved.  There's a personality for survival like trying to get through a workday or family event.  Then there is one for the abuser--a personality that goes along just to get along.  And of course, there is a core personality one who comes out when the good ole days are talked about before the abusive partner came into his or her life.  There are many more depending on the individual especially if he or she uses legal or illegal drugs to attempt to bring peace to a troubled mind and a body in pain.

There is just no excuse to permit a human being to abuse another--none!  There is not enough medicine, drugs, food, sex, or anything else that can help someone who is obviously sick mentally and/or physically.  Enabling those who have troubled minds will only make you sick.  They are like a cold, if you come around them long enough, you will catch their illness. 

The strong who survive abusive relationships are those who stop making excuses, get the necessary help to be free from their situations, and vow to never put themselves back into any physically, mentally or spiritually energy draining relationship! 

Keep this in mind, you just can't save a person who refuses to get the help he or she needs no matter how hard you try!  If you believe in a Higher Power, ask him to save you!

Nicholl McGuire also blogs at Face Your Foe. 

 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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