Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

You can't spend any money without your partner knowing.  You are questioned about what you are doing with your money when he or she asks for some.  You are left feeling guilty when you take money that you have earned to buy something for yourself.  Anyone going through something like this is being controlled. When one is being controlled, he or she doesn't always know or feel like he or she is being controlled because some individuals just have a charming way of manipulating you into abiding by their rules.  If the rules are, "We tell each other everything including what we do with the money we spend..."  Then quite naturally one is going to go along to get along.  However, slowly but surely one relinquishes all power over to the one making the rules.  He or she loses his or herself into a partner's world that is dominated by a need to know everything.  A partner who is riddled with jealousy, insecurity, unresolved past issu...

Fearful of unleashing his emotions on the person who caused him so much pain, he takes his issues out on you--the woman who loves him.  He is angry at a single man or a group.  He ignores, yells, complains, and acts as if it is your fault that he has failed yet again in his decision-making.  You show him the truth about himself, and he hates you for it.  He smiles at everyone else, but you.  He talks at length with everyone else, but you.  He acts interested in everyone else, but you.  This is a different kind of abuse, an emotional kind that if experienced for any length of time can prematurely age you and drive you mad if you let it. What woman wants to stay in a relationship with a miserable man who acts in threatening ways?  A man who doesn't respond unless confronted about his actions and then when he is told about them, he uses reverse psychology.  He refuses to hold himself accountable for his lackluster personality when...

The Christian will blame the devil, the psychologist will say it happens due to conflicting personality disorders, the parent will call it crazy, frequent arguments between two emotional people.  One may have entered the relationship more sensitive to drama than the other, but by the time the relationship matures, both are hypersensitive ready to kill one another! Arguments, do you even recall what was the last thing you disputed with someone about?  They are petty, loud, and unnecessary most of the time.  It's one thing having a friendly debate over issues related to things like: politics, family, work, food and places, but all out yelling and threats to hit someone because they disagree?  What!? When bad relationships have arrived to the point of no return is when you frequently disagree about nothing.  Someone or both will need to remove his or herself from the shared atmosphere until the two are able to cool off. ...

When I met the charming one, he was complete. Finances appeared not to deplete. Layer after layer, his demeanor, something impressive. The relationship was simply progressive. He had a fancy car, I didn't meet him in any bar. I said to myself, "He's the type, he and I will go very far." His smile was very nice, his words did entice. He had owned acres of land. I found myself falling for this man, my heart was in his hand. Relationship began to shift, like flour through a sift. What was I to do, when I noticed his words became few? Walked by me like I wasn't much, held back even the slightest touch. Talked negatively to others about me, tried to figure out what did he see? Offering myself to him like a slave, money and time, I had gave. Didn't question the things that he did, didn't want to blow his lid. But why was I giving him money or even a little honey? His sense of humor wasn't the least bit funny. ...

He bragged about how his future, the woman of his dreams being "so easy to talk to" while she described her "Soul Mate" as being "open, honest and understanding."  However, the two learned after less than a year of dating one another that their facades were nothing more than sales pitches designed to keep the two engaged to one another while shutting everyone else out. On the outside looking in, observers saw happy people in photographs and a "nice couple" meeting and greeting them.  But what they didn't know is that deep down inside the pair had many warring demons--spirits with many fights to pick.  Jesus was petitioned to come save the couple, but to no avail, because the two couldn't fight personal demons long enough to let an all-knowing God work on them. The more open one is about his or her past, the more tools you give the double-minded to use against you.  People can dialogue about almost anyth...

There are many forms of abuse couples will use to maintain control over the other.  She refers to men abusing women, but there are also women who use similar tactics on men.

He yells, cries, lies, curses, and you forgive him.  He tells you that he has had a hard life that no one understands.  He says, "I love you, thank you for being in my life...for putting up with me." and so you wear his statements like badges of honor.  "Oh, honey.  You can trust me.  I love you too...we will get through this together...I get you--even if no one else does, I get you."  No you don't.  You think you do, but you don't.  Self-deception will get you hurt. I am Nicholl McGuire, the creator of this blog and the self-published author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  Never in a thousand years does anyone truly know a human made of mind, body and spirit.  No matter how many classes you take, degrees you receive, and how much time you spend with a subject, you never truly get them!  Of course, there are professionals who can describe one's personality, every now and again predict an abuser's next move, an...