Saturday

You are Not a Slave

Whether black, red, yellow or white, it doesn't matter the ethnicity, abuse doesn't exclusively occur with just one type of person making a certain dollar amount living in a particular neighborhood.  Many affluent women are abused.  They may not look like it, but they are mentally and sometimes physically wounded to the point that they self-medicate in a variety of ways that only their money can buy.  There are those who are middle class or poor who still manage to smile despite being abused by someone who claims that he or she loves them.  However, with most cases of abuse, a woman or a man is usually in a relationship that looks more like master and slave then two people who love one another.

You are not your mate's slave.  Although for some, this is an obvious truth, but do they really live it?  He runs around town buying her things only to return home listening to a ranting lunatic for a wife.  She attempts to make his favorite meals only for him to throw them out in front of her while criticizing her that she never does anything right.  The emotionally and physically abused try to appease their masters by taking great care to do what is asked of them so that they don't have to hear a spouse or friend curse at them, throw things, talk negatively about relatives and friends, etc.  The abused will create a world around them that has little, if any, relatives or friends who they can confide "just to keep the peace," so they reason.  They rarely have enough energy to deal with others, because that temperamental mate they live with is enough to deal with it.  Their lives are centered around someone who thinks that love is ordering others to do what is asked and if they complete the controller's requests--good, but if not, suffer the consequences.

If this sounds like your relationship, let this New Year bring about change.  Stand up for yourself!  You are not a slave!  Your partner may scream, threaten to harm you, or do other things to put you in the place that he or she has created for you, but don't fall for these old tactics yet again!  Do what you can to make your life easy--let go of some of those burdens!  Burdens of the silent treatment.  Burdens of cursing.  Burdens of complaints.  Burdens of pushing, shoving, kicking, etc.  Burdens!  If you are not ready to leave your abuser and all that you have obtained with him or her, then you must work to stop appeasing your abuser in the meantime.  Start with the little things while you save money and create an exit plan--it doesn't matter how many years you have been with this person, if preserving your life is more important than your mate's, then do something!  For those who believe, they will just ride the miserable relationship out until death, wishing to be placed in your grave is simply not a certain freedom, and if you are spiritual, God may not be ready for you yet, so don't believe that heaven awaits you when your Lord is showing you something different.

Take a look at American History as it relates to slavery for a moment.  You just might recognize some similarities in your current relationship.  Slaves weren't happy.  Some appeared content because they knew no one else but their masters.  Most often they suffered from some type of mental or physical illness.  Slaves aren't free.  They are burdened by their circumstances.  Slaves don't own much of anything and when they attempt to do more with their lives (like empower themselves), they are disciplined--they are faced with consequences for wanting to break free from slavery.  An abuser will berate, ridicule, lie, steal, challenge, and physically fight the victim just so that his or her needs are met.  He or she may want money, sex, a material possession, a date, or anything else from the victim.  If the spouse objects, he or she is made to feel like that was the worse thing he or she could have done.  Therefore, he or she is systematically trained to say, "yes" even when he or she wants to say, "no."  The victim is made to feel guilty when he or she doesn't participate in a project, wants to visit relatives and friends, or shop at stores and appointments without his or her partner.

Try gradually to pull away and move on with your life.  It must be a slow process for some (due to safety reasons), while others may have wealth and children linked with their abuser therefore, timing is everything.  So plan accordingly, but be safe while you create your exit strategy.  Don't let people, who can't help you, get you hurt by listening to them tell you run at the wrong time--there is indeed a season for everything!  Also, keep in mind, that life events have a way of taking an abuser's freedom away or worse placing his or her feet in a grave--what goes around, comes back around, so the old adage goes.  Take a moment to give your burdens over to an Almighty God who sees what you are going through, but is only waiting for you to listen and obey without excuse and fear.  Sincere faith can truly move mountains!

Nicholl McGuire records spiritual wake-up call messages here.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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