Friday

Relationships Change - Mid-Life Men and Women in Violent Relationships

For years, they remained faithful to one another, the couple rarely disputed and appeared to be in love to witnesses.  However, now in their 50s and 60s, things have changed in the relationship.  The older man is often threatening to hurt his wife when she asks or tells him to do something.  The wife is often heard by adult children yelling up a storm when her husband disrespects her.  Little does anyone know, the two have taken their anger out on one another physically behind closed doors in the past.  The abused wife reasons, "It was only a little push...an accident when he threw something at the wall..."  Her husband explains, "She drove me crazy that day with all her demands, so I let her have it and then she hit me..." But whatever the issue and how it all got started, violence has made it into a relationship that was once peaceful and no one has yet to explain how did a loving couple grow into a hateful one.  As the brain ages for some, so will the drama increase.  Couples become forgetful, moody, impatient, while the body begins to experience its share of pain.

Not everyone grows old gracefully.  Many women and men are in their graves prematurely while families never bothered to get the details as to how they got there.  The last argument took a toll on one's heart.  The fall down the steps was really a push.  An ill parent was in need of medication, but his or her partner left so as not to be there to give it to him or her.

The mid-life years can be very challenging for some.  They become increasingly unhappy due to things like:  stressful jobs or loss of income, bills, challenging young children or those with disabilities, demanding sons and daughters, and other things that contribute to their madness.  They feel like their backs are up against the wall.  Some never bothered to do much with their lives in their youth, other than work, now they have regrets--especially if they have been diagnosed with an illness and have no family support. 

Some couples will take out their frustrations on one another leaving the marriage unstable or worse headed for divorce.  No one forgives easily when it comes to a physical assault or verbal insult, payback will come sooner or later. 

If you notice that your partner is often angry and increasingly threatening, find some solitude anywhere but in his or her presence.  Sit down and discuss matters once calm and offer assistance, such as an offer to drive him or her to see a doctor about his or her condition.  If suggestions, attempts to help, and other encouraging behavior is met with repeated opposition, do what is in your power, control your life! 

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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