Friday

First Time Hit: It Happened, He/She Hit You, Now What?

You may have been one of the few who came to this site in shock, it happened!  You were hit for the first time by someone you trusted, a person who you thought loved you so much.  "How could he/she do that?" you think. 

Right now you might hurt so bad over the incident--can't eat or sleep well.  You don't feel like you can tell anyone.  At this point in the relationship, it really doesn't matter what caused the fight, the point is your partner hit you, now what?  Does this mean that the relationship is over?  Do you have to go to the police?  Will you need to take photos of your bruise?  What do you think?

Every situation is different and every reaction doesn't apply to all situations.  However, the best advice is never stay in any relationship when one has made up in his or her mind to hit your body because he or she was so angry.  No excuses!  "So you hit me because I upset you?  You leave a mark on my body, because you can't control yourself!?  You tell me it's my fault!  Have you lost your mind!  All this information out here that talks about abuse and you hit me!"  You should be fuming. 

By staying in a relationship that has now turned abusive (face the truth, it now is), you are saying to your soon-to-be former partner, "It's okay, I know you were upset...I drove you mad...I apologize too."  But what you are really saying to your abusive mate is, "Don't worry I won't do anything, you can hit me again if I step out of line.  It's okay."  The minute the rage comes back again, the temptation to hit again will return.  The door was opened.  Like sex, once you open the door, sooner or later that person is going to want to come back in for a second round again.  By the way, don't be blinded by sex, it doesn't make the incident go away, it only fuels the next one that might come soon afterward.

You have to know someone very well and know for certain the hit is totally out of character for him or her.  Yet, you must be cautious of this person because he or she could be headed toward some mental breakdown or worse ready to hurt one's self or you again.  Something is causing rage deep within and if he or she doesn't get immediate help, worse things might happen.  Unfortunately, it is going to take some time to trust this person even after he or she gets some help.  You must emphasize, "Get some help or there is no us!"

You can save yourself some future stress by creating an escape plan.  Gradually, prepare your mind, body and spirit to exit the relationship if you believe this person just isn't who you thought he or she was anymore.  I would also document the day and time the abuse happened and take photos.  Store items away from the residence if you are living with this person.

You will need some time for yourself to process everything and you will also need to keep in mind that you can be tempted to want to pay your partner back for what he or she did.  Once again, to keep yourself out of trouble, remove yourself from this volatile situation as soon as possible!

Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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