Monday

Victim, Survivor and Abuser - The "Don't Blame Me" Mentality

It is very easy for some to justify why they have this issue and that one as a result of past abuses, recent verbal assaults, and offenses; however, the truth is, there is no excuse for acting like a fool while in a relationship or out of one. 

The survivor boasts about being free, yet the past has a way of rearing it's ugly head every now and then revealing a dark side that would be better left in the closet.  The victim blames his or herself for why the abuser continues to mistreat him or her.  The abuser wants someone to put his or her stamp of approval on his or her unfair, mean-spirited, and downright crazy misdeeds.  Whatever the issue or whoever the person, if one should find his or herself on the wrong side of the law, no one is going to immediately jump to his or her defense.  Those looking on the outside in at a troubled individual, typically will ask the dreaded question, "What did you do?" 

The man or woman, who believes he or she is right about almost everything that he or she does in an incident, while everyone else is in the wrong, is going to find fault with anyone who holds a mirror up to his or her face and says, "You aren't getting off that easy!"  The truth is, the victim/survivor/abuser will be held accountable for his or her part played or not played in whatever drama he or she got his or herself into in the short or long-term. 

"Why would you enter into a relationship knowing full well you had a past riddled with unresolved issues, wouldn't it have been better to remain single?"  the inquisitive witness asks.  "Do you feel like you were right when you put your hands on that woman/man?  And why?" 

One question that always comes up whether you are in or out of a relationship with an abusive mate is, "Why did/do you stay?"  Think of this, one is held accountable for staying in a house that is on fire when he or she could have found ways to either put the fire out or escape.  Therefore, if someone is in danger and they know in the back of their mind that things are volatile where they are and they make no attempt at freeing self, what do you think might happen?  You can almost predict the future.  One day, the survivor's periodic anger outbursts might bring on an unanticipated fight with one who isn't very forgiving.  The victim might become ill, lose a job, or worse pre-maturely die for doing nothing about his or her situation.  As for the abuser, how about he or she loses his or her freedom?  It is it worth it?

The "Don't blame me" mentality is just another excuse that some cry when they are busily covering up for self or someone else's actions or inactions.  "It's not my fault...don't blame me...I didn't ask for trouble..."  Some people just aren't motivated to make any serious life changes, they prefer to shoot the messengers who speak truth.  It takes two to tango in any relationship, but if one doesn't want to dance, no excuses, he or she doesn't have to.

In closing, the confused victim, back-sliding survivor and the violent abuser need not worry over being blamed by a judgmental world, society will simply hold one accountable until the person feels so convicted of wrong-doing that he or she will either change one's evil ways or don't.  It's just that simple.

Whoever you are and whatever your situation, remember hold yourself accountable before someone else does and work hard toward positive change!  When you do, you will be less likely to take offense when someone says, "Why are you still doing/acting/saying...?"

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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