Staying with a Crazed Partner Due to Promises

Some women and men in challenging relationships have made promises in the past to a spouse/lover, who they didn't know at the time was mentally disturbed.  Therefore, they feel obligated to fulfill promises, rather than break them despite putting their safety at risk on a daily basis. 

From the dedicated man who says he will take care of his verbally abusive wife (come hell or high water) to the loyal woman who believes that if she does everything that she said she was going to do for a husband years ago, these people believe that everything will be alright.  But it only gets better for a moment before the angry wife is yelling and cursing all over again and the physically abusive man is threatening to kill everyone in the house.  What is really keeping the Used and Abused at the home besides the obvious?  Those damn promises!  They are damning because they don't benefit anyone but the person who is waiting for his victim to make good on them.

In good faith, victims want to do what they believe is right; therefore, they end up staying in their abusive relationships.  For instance, a husband remains in his turbulent marriage, because he promised to assist his wife with the mortgage on the home.  A stay-at-home wife remembers telling her husband that she would take care of the children while he worked.  So these people stay, because their words mean more to them than their safety.  They deceive themselves daily into thinking that "Everyone and everything will be alright if I just get this thing and that one done for my wife/husband."  Once the promise is accomplished, manipulations and lies by a threatening partner keeps his or her victim under the abuser's control.  A new list of promises is then created under pressure by victims.  Abusers hold them accountable.  If the victims don't do what they say and desire to end the relationship, the abuser will find ways to get them to stay.  He or she may pick fights, threaten to keep children, lie to people in the family circle, act nice like being loving and affectionate for a time, and may even buy a gift or a do a service for the victim.  The deceived partner will think that his or her abuser, "Is much better..." when the truth is the alter ego has only gone into hiding until the next dispute triggers another dispute or violent act.

A mentally crazed partner is not going to let his or her mate just take off and go anywhere if it threatens his or her lifestyle especially if he or she has no supportive network, job, transportation, or money.  If a cheating partner enjoys getting around without a worry about the children, he will do any number of things to get his wife to stay.  In situations like this, some women, who feel like an abusive mate will not harm the children, will take off and leave.  She may return to a very appreciative partner who changes his evil ways but for a moment, before acting ugly again.  He may pay her back later for leaving, bring up her broken promises, and threaten that she better not leave again or else.  She walks on eggshells waiting for her partner's next abusive episode and plans in her mind what she is going to tell him to get the crazed man off her back.

A man in a relationship, with a woman who is often angry at him, will do and say things to get her to shut up.  He will make promises, most of which he doesn't fulfill, only to have his wife verbally give him a tongue lashing that just might prompt him to act violently toward her.  Rather than just leave the relationship, he works on his list of promises.  She is content for a time until something happens to cause her to blow up on her mate once again.

Until the abused mate makes up in his or her mind to stop making promises and start making plans to leave his or her crazed partner, the cycle of honeymoon and war, honeymoon and war will keep occurring.  Some will reason, "I am here to stay for better and for worse..." but if worse leaves you with no life (energy, mental reasoning, income, ability to come up higher) to care for your self and children, then what?  If you have a faith, ask your Creator to give you a release from an angry man or woman.  According to the Bible in the book of Proverbs, readers are warned not to get involved with an angry man.  The Bible also speaks of not grieving the Holy Ghost and that your body is the temple of the Spirit.  Think about it. 

Nicholl McGuire 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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