No Communicating Concerns with an Abuser - Not Hearing of It

Talk about an abuser's lying, cheating, stealing, drinking, hiding, or hanging out with friends and you just might be starting a verbal or physical war!  Delusional people will never admit to their problems or seek help.  They are defensive and ready to attack.  Get to close, talk too long, or act in any way that is perceived to be threatening and the violent man or woman will reason in his or her mind, "Time to fight."

Living with someone who is hot-tempered is highly stressful, unsafe, and will most likely provoke you to do the unthinkable.  Abusive men and women are typically selfish and unless you enable their toxic habits and behaviors, they are not going to be too accepting of you.  The world revolves around them.  They rarely do anything that doesn't include themselves.  Their intentions are usually selfish.  Whatever they want, they get whether using kind words or acting evilly.  Victims who are fearful of their abusers will meet their demands by any means necessary even if it means facing jail time.

The day that one believes that having a conversation about an abuser's behavior just might help the relationship is the day that one should also expect a fight.  Abusers don't want to ever hear anything that sounds even a little bit like a criticism, blame or holding them accountable to something.  That is why the "I feel" conversations fall on deaf ears.  Communicating one's concerns works well with a functional human being, but not a dysfunctional one.

The best solution for any one who is in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship is and will always be to prepare an exit plan.  Staying will only cause more turmoil because the abuser is simply unwilling to cooperate.

Nicholl McGuire