Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

"You made me do that!  If it wasn't for you, I would have never...You were the one who said...so I went on and did it!" the angry abuser retorts.  He or she isn't finish yet, it is only a matter of time that the manipulator is going to pay you back for calling him or her out on something he or she did or didn't do. "Why didn't you wash the dishes, honey?  You said you were going to do them.  I am trying to keep the place neat and clean, so I could really use your help around here."  the victim says.  The dishes go unwashed and other things aren't done, because the selfish and vengeful man doesn't feel his partner deserves his help.  He recalls the other day when she did something that upset him.  "Eye for an eye," he thinks. Being with someone who is quick to blame you for things is emotionally and physically draining. You find yourself having to defend your every word and deed.  Whether you have done something you consider kin

You are free to be happy!  Tell yourself that today!  "I am free to be happy!" You are free to do what you want, when you want, and how you want it.  Yet, so many women and men in miserable relationships have relinquished all control over being joyous.   These couples have been caught up in the trappings of the following:  frequent crying, fighting, arguing, compulsively spending, over-eating, abusing alcohol or drugs, and more that they find it a challenge to put a smile on their faces and truly feel content on the inside.  Between all the personal drama, they simply forgot what it feels like to be happy on a consistent basis.  When was the last time you saw yourself smile in a mirror?  Now when was the last time you saw yourself genuinely smile with a partner? When we look at the many problems in our world, we see people who feel like they have no way out of their circumstances.  "I'm married now--can't do anything!" says the disgruntled newlywed.  &

A snoring partner, lack of quality food, frequent missed meals, and other issues, and what might one's household look like?  The mind, body and spirit will not act correctly.  The environment is often disorganized because the couple is too tired to get things done.  Phone calls go unanswered because people are sleeping at odd times due to the stress of living there--they just don't have the time or energy to listen to others. Some couples believe that ignoring something as simple as hunger and sleep is okay.  They think they will function at top levels throughout the day without one or both.  But the look on their faces, sudden mood swings, tiredness, verbal insults, body aches, fluctuating body weight and blood sugar, and hot tempers tell the household and others outside the home, "They have issues." Selfish people do selfish things.  They know how they are when they don't get adequate rest or meals, yet they will convince themselves that everyone else is th

You don't have to be choked, slammed into a wall, or beaten until you are black and blue to be in an abusive relationship.  There are many women and men who experience covert abuse over time while thinking their charming partners will fulfill promises, remain faithful, treat them with respect, and more.  Most forms of abuse begin with lies. "I never hit a woman.  I don't believe in hurting women.  I am a good man."   "I have treated all the men I have been with well.  I love men."  "I'm not crazy, it's those crazy b*tches I've been with!"  "You can ask my ex...I don't lie.  I keep promises."  The liar knows early on, during the dating phase, what to say and how to win over his or her gullible victim (usually someone who has a history of being mistreated by boyfriends or girlfriends).  The deceiver will promise that he or she will never be like those other men or women who have disappointed you.  "You ar

A controlling mom is not going to tell her son what he is doing to his partner is wrong unless she benefits in some way.  An abusive father, with a history of insulting and hitting his wife, is not going to encourage his son to stay in a miserable relationship unless he is somehow inconvenienced by his son's future actions.  A jealous sibling just might blame the victim, especially if he or she is the favorite, just so that the individual is not getting any attention from the parents.  Depending on how dysfunctional the family, a victim just might experience further harm from an abuser. A partner's side of the family might not be much support simply because they most likely saw some things about you that they didn't like.  The abusive son/brother/cousin can do no wrong.  They most likely have already been sold on your weakness and are trained to ignore your pleas for help.  Of course, it isn't appropriate to share negative things about one's partner with a belove

Why do people in relationships, who know that their mates lie, connive, cover-up, and do other sneaky things, expect them to come forth with the truth about things like:  their whereabouts, who they talk to, where they go after work, or who they know? The writing is on the wall when it comes to answered prayer and what do victims do?  They act as if God hasn't shown them anything.  They retreat back into the world of lies.  These victims converse with their abusers about the facts in the hopes of feeling at peace with their partners' answers.  They hope that wrongdoings will be confessed, but it never happens.  Instead, what usually occurs is the abuser will do things like:  stone-wall, argue, defend, bad-mouth others, gas-light, blame, deny, or minimize the situation(s). "Babe, it's not what you think.  You know I wouldn't do that...I really care about you.  Honey, we have been through so much, I have changed.  I would never hurt you.  Don't worry about i