Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Some temperamental, violent, and angry types just don't get it!  Did a partner really have to hit, yell, name-call, throw things, or use the period of silent treatment yet again to hurt you?  When a supposedly loved one seems to have bouts of going from happy to angry from getting along to creating chaos, you have to wonder, "Can I keep up with this?  How is he/she affecting me, the children...?  Do I really want this person in my life?" What is one willing to give up right now for things like:  peace, happiness, the focus to pursue goals, the strength to stand up for self, and all other things that are healthy qualities of life?  We can make life simply too hard to live by the choices we make personally and professionally.   You might want more money, a bigger house, freedom, and other things that solve personal issues, but what do you have to do to make those things happen?  The same mindset you use when it comes to chasing after material dreams is what you have to u

Being angry with a person who chooses to stay with an abuser is wasted energy.  Rather, one could redirect that anger toward a cause or passion that might help those who want to be helped.  When the abused chooses to stay with someone who is emotionally, spiritually and physically toxic, the victim's decision to stay affects everyone sooner or later. The police officer who gets pulled away from one crime scene ends up at the front door of a couple who is out of control--more time could have been focused on a more pressing matter involving the death of someone's loved one.  A neighborhood hears the frequent cries of a woman who is getting beaten yet again, nerves are tensed and some wonder if she might die at the hands of her abuser.  Children watch parents in disbelief and wonder if mom and dad might hurt them during one of their fits of rage.  A place of employment that is counting on an employee to show up ready for work deals with frequent call-offs and/or performance i

I spoke to a widow who shared with me about how one day the abuse just stopped.  I asked her what happened.  Here's what she said. "He was getting ready to jump on me again.  My son was standing in the background with his daddy's shot gun.  He told him that he wasn't being disrespectful, but that his dad had to stop.  My husband looked at him.  He knew that his son would have blown him away.  From that point on, he stopped abusing me." A husband, who had been abusing the widow for years, finally stopped.  Notice it was once the boy got old enough to hold his father's gun and threaten him with it.  She told me he was teenager back then about 17 or 18 years old.  How many of you have that kind of time?  How much more abuse will you endure before your violent partner finally stops? Nicholl McGuire

Still emotionally high on that nice time a victim had with his or her abuser over the holidays, the victim hopes for the best concerning his or her relationship.  Relatives and friends may have encouraged him or her to stay with well-wishes and promises to pray.  Persuading one's self into believing that there is still a chance for a quality relationship sprinkled with toxicity, the victim shuts out past negativity for a time telling his or herself, "Forgive and forget."  Church visiting and man-made religion further programs the abused to stick out a bad relationship long past red alert signs and warnings from witnesses. Victims will gravitate to messages of forgiveness and pray while hoping a righteous God will put a stamp of approval on their poor selection of a mate (the Bible warns not to get involved with an angry man and not to be unequally yoked.  In addition, to reminding believers that the body is the temple of the Holy Ghost).  Yet, in spite of wise teachi

For years a couple has been together and has hoped for the best.  Argument after argument has resulted in emotional and physical wounds.  Those who have been verbally, nonverbally and physical abusive to one another typically want to get out, but often don't--not for a long-time.  It is their wish for "things to get better" that keep them in miserable relationships even when they know they should be getting out. What does one really have to show for being in an abusive relationship 10 plus years?  Is it the numbers that make him or her feel like one has done some thing significant in life?  Maybe it is the drama the couple has withstood over the years that make some brag about how long they have been together.  Whatever the reason that an abusive partner and his or her victim don't hesitate to share how long they have had to put up, shut up, and overall deal with one another, it just isn't healthy staying with anyone who destroys a temple that houses a God-crea