Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

They gather around television screens and will boldly tell all females in the household or elsewhere, "Don't interrupt, find something to do...be quiet when the game is on!"  As a woman, it doesn't matter how much you think you know about the sport.  Like some churches won't permit women to stand at the pulpit, neither will some men accept women sharing their thoughts about a game without shutting them down, looking at them evilly, or waving their hand at them like they are annoying flies. Now there is that one woman who isn't going to be ignored, and just might say a few too many things to a man who is already angry about the bad calls that are being made in a "scripted" game.  She might point out some legitimate things about what she sees and share her knowledge of "show business," but her timing is all wrong!  Just like it was wrong for her sister, friend, and others who were physically assaulted, because they said too much while the

"If she hadn't jumped in his face, if he would have stopped yelling at her...if the two just walked away--none of this would have happened!" the critics always have their reasons as to why the woman or the man or both got what they deserved in an abusive relationship .  Some will even go so far to say, "I would have slapped and kicked her too!  He's lucky it wasn't me, I would have punched him so hard, he would have been seeing stars!  The two of them need both their butts beaten!" While so many lips are on their "Should have, could have" rant, another woman and yet another is being abused.  For every incident that takes place, there is an individual or group blaming the victim afterward.  "This wouldn't have happened had she..."  How can the mentally and/or physically sick, used and abused help herself?   What can be done when tempers are flared, arms are swinging, and kids are crying?  Rarely does anyone run from a fight

A messy relationship is like walking into a room ignoring the piles of clothes on the floor, the overflowing trash can, the old food left on the dresser, and those things in the corner that was supposed to go back on the shelf...the one who is responsible for the mess no longer sees it.  He or she sits or lies down as if there is nothing wrong with the room.  The person doesn't smell the odors, see the dirty dishes, or notices the piles.  If you have a problem with the mess, the one it will simply shrug his or her shoulders and continue to use the space just as it is.  Now the unsightly room isn't a problem for some as long as the door stays closed.  But once the lingering odor hits the hallway, insects start showing up in other parts of the house, and visitors are coming over, the issues in that room become a household problem.  This is what happens when one is in a messy relationship.  He or she doesn't see the ugliness that everyone else sees.  The one experiencing ve

  Positive affirmations, thought-provoking collages, stirring mask images, inspiring guest speakers, delicious refreshments and more, brought visitors out of their homes in Pasadena, California. On October 17, 2014, the first annual Healing Art Exhibition was presented at the Fair Oaks Renaissance Plaza Community Room, 649 N. Fair Oaks Avenue. Linda Offray, Shepherd’s Door Founder and Teresa Smith, Healing Art Organizer and teacher and special guests were available to share personal stories and answer questions about domestic violence. Offray, who has been on a mission to help people in violent relationships for decades, said "…Shepherd’s Door was birthed out of anger, frustration and pain." Being a mother, she had members of her own family who suffered through domestic violence. She shared most of the women she has talked to about their experiences said they didn’t know how they ended up in their situations. Offray mentioned these type of relationships ten

So the devil of a man decides to take a low blow during an argument and use a victim's past to talk about why the last one abused her, why she deserved it, and how he will hurt her like the former abuser did.  His pot shot was painful and a trigger; lucky for him she didn't turn into a raging lunatic and pay him back for every man who came before him who thought they were bold enough to put their hands on her. What makes a woman go off the deep end?  Statements like the above.  Frequent disrespectful attitudes and words, mean glares, negative behaviors like silent treatment and gas-lighting, and more leading up to the day that she explodes.  Far too often outsiders, looking at that single public incident, the day everything turned black and the woman lost her mind will question, "Why would she even attempt to fight a man?  What would possess her to act so angrily?  Why would the man think that slapping her silly would get her to calm down?"  Let us be reminded, p

There will always be that couple who is in a turbulent relationship claiming they are breaking up only to get back together.  During their honeymoon period, they really wish that, "Everyone would be happy for us!"  Really?  Let us remind our relatives and friends who are in these violent arrangements the following: 1.  Your abusive partner will curse/cheat/lie/hit and do anything else he/she has gotten away with in the past again and again, and again. 2.  Keep in mind you both have a mental or personality disorder that you have yet to address.  If you attend church, the leadership would say you need deliverance from demonic spirits.  There is just no reasoning or accepting abuse.  The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. 3.  You are unwise if you believe that things are going to get better because your abuser simply said, "I won't do it again, I promise...you know I love you...I want very much for our family to be together!" 4.  The reality is that no